Chapter Two- Keshia

How do I get myself in these situations? Is it my fault or is it Bobby’s? Nah, it’s defiantly not mine, if he would only pay attention to what he is supposed to then we wouldn’t be in this situation now.
“So Keshia, when are you going to give me the pleasure of you company again, so I can take you out for dinner?”
“Look Clayton, I’m really busy this week, but I can try come over quickly tomorrow evening” I replied, starring at my sealing, casually holding the phone to my ear, whilst watching my pre-recorded dose of America’s Top Model.
“You’re always passing through! You never actually spend ‘TIME’ with me. I want to hold you, I want to feel your warm lips against mine again, I can’t remember what you feel like, it’s been so long baby!”
“Babes, I’m trying but I’ve just been too busy, it’s not easy being me! Look I have to prioritise my time, and besides it wasn’t that long ago! I’m sure you can remember.”
“That’s what you think! I need to sample the goods again” He blurted sounding frustrated.
“Clayton, just wait a little longer!” I rolled my eyes. Truth was I didn’t really want to give him anymore! Yeah we had two passionate nights together, but that was all it was. I was in need for some attention and special feelings those nights, and yes Clayton was at the right place at the right time. It was nice, but not worth doing it again, I mean I had to juggle him around with Bobby, who was trying extra hard lately to make things right again. Especially after that bitch Naomi had tried to seduce him into her bed. I never really knew what actually did happen, but it made me seek elsewhere for what I was missing and Clayton was only happy to oblige. But now I didn’t know how to let him go, it would break his heart. It’s my own fault I was too affectionate with him, I couldn’t help it, it was nothing personal just how I do things. Now he wanted to take me out more and I always had to find a new excuse. I mean he never knew about Bobby, because he never asked, and then we never spoke about forming a relationship either. So it’s his fault that he let his feelings get caught up in our fling.
Now Bobby was sweet, sexy and a charmer. We had been dating for two years on and off, and we had been through our fair share of madness, the girls trying to split us up, the malicious rumours, and the family members, which wanted to keep us apart. But we got through it, sort of! Now here we were trying to make things work again!
He was moving back into my flat this week, and we promised to try and make things work this time. He promised to be more dedicated to the relationship and commit everything he had to make it work. Yes I believed him, why not. I loved him and he loved me, and love conquers all doesn’t it?

“Hey baby, I’m going to bring the rest of my stuff on Thursday, so we can go out Friday night. I won’t be down until late tonight though, coz I’m going out with the boys. Before you start it’s Miles’ birthday, so were just going out for a drink”
“But babes, we haven’t spent any time together at all this week, and you promised you would”
“Yeah, I will be down later tonight” Bobby stated, trying to convince me.
I took a deep breath. “When I’m sleeping!” I moaned pulling the blanket over my bare legs after feeling the slight draft which christened my room.
“Baby, don’t be like that! I won’t go if you don’t want me to”
“Nah, you go babes, I don’t want them to think I’m not letting you out like last time! You know how they talk rubbish. Go and enjoy yourself”
Now I knew that his ‘boys’ encouraged him to chat up other women, especially his best mate Danny, because he could definitely not attract them on his own! Now Danny he was such an arse. He hated on my relationship with Bobby from day one, and that was only because he could not get me himself.
When I met Bobby at a garden party in Hammersmith five years ago, he was with that fool Danny. He had tried to proposition me with his best useless lyrics, but I politely turned him down, much to his disapproval. As soon as I was able to slip away from him, my eye caught a hold of this sexy 5’9, brown skin, firm bodied honey across the smoke filled room. He had the body of a model, actually no a chocolate Adonis. I will never forget that moment; he was wearing dark blue denim jeans and a white shirt with his crucifix chain hanging down his muscular chest. I’m telling you I was on him like a bee to honey. That night I was looking sexy dressed in my black ¾ length skirt which hugged my wide but sexy hips, a black and red corset top which flattered my small breast and made them look a size bigger. My hair flowing straight above my shoulders with copper highlights complementing my complexion. Amazingly I was the one who went over to him and introduced myself. I just needed to say something and somehow the courage leapt out of me like a trapped tiger, as my feet carried me over to him with uncertainty.
I was thankful that he didn’t reject me, he was actually happy that I had come over, as he whispered in my ear through the loud music that he had been watching me all night. I was flattered. We conversed outside in the early hours of the humid morning for about an hour while everyone else was dancing away to the classic sounds. I found him so mentally stimulating, it turned out that he was an actor and had been in many huge plays across England. In turn I informed him of my recent funding events for underprivileged youths. A few minutes into the conversation and had realised that we had so many things in common. From that day on we developed a relationship, which was plagued with hurt and insecurities from past relationships. Being together was a challenge for both of us, one which we were willing to face, but knew that would be hard.

Bobby was a good man deep down, but he was overpowered by the pain Hazel had done to him earlier. Now she was a right bitch, she had tried to trap him with a pregnancy but then later confessed that she had slept with one of his friends. That news had broken him down, however it didn’t stop her. She had tried to convince him that it was his, but he didn’t believe her. He knew that she wasn’t sure who the father was, but wanted it to be his because the other guy wasn’t interested in being a father. Her pleas were worthless, and she ended up having a termination. After that experience he couldn’t find it within himself to trust a woman again. He always claimed that it burned so much because he never cheated on her, and then it made it worst, that she had been with someone he knew. So honestly I didn’t really blame him for his feelings and reluctance to commit to our relationship. Janet said that I was mad to put up with some of the things he did, but I just understood his situation and knew that he needed support and assurance to trust me, and then we could move our relationship to the next level. My past was also haunting me but hey you have to try and move on and get over it.

Moving in together was a big step, although he had practically lived with me when we were together eight months ago it was not official, and it caused more problems than good. But that was only because Bobby was not ready to fully commit at the time, still wanting to walk the streets like he was a bachelor. He couldn’t cope with me asking him, what time he would be home, what he wanted for dinner, telling him that It was his turn to wash up, reminding him to tidy up after himself and constantly telling him to put the toilet seat down. Looking back at it now, what was actually going to be different this time? He would still have his bad habits! Only I would have to put up with it, welcome it, get used to the fact that this was how it was going to be!
Before he decided to move in with me, Bobby was flat sharing in Walthamstow with two other guys in this dingy small detached house. He was not used to his own space, but was accustom to an environment full of testosterone, blossoming in the unwelcoming smell of dirty dishes in the sink, and neglected months of cleaning. I tell you something for sure; I am not going to miss that two hour drive down there, no more suffering nights in the prescience of a male occupancy.

I looked around my surroundings, examining my comfortable space. My flat was only a one bedroom, but it was big enough for the both of us. I’d been living here for three years now, and I had made it into my own. Having to share it was a bit daunting for me. I was organised and Bobby had a lot of stuff despite him basically living in one room at his place, he had accumulated enough stuff as someone who had a three bedroom house! He had already moved in half of his belongings during the past week, which I had been weaving through in order not to break my neck. There were musty smelling books stacked in boxes in the corridor, his keyboard and other musical instruments lying all around the flat and even pictures of him and famous actors, which he was adamant he was going to hang up around the flat on my flawless walls, somehow I did not think so!, I thought walking around in my pink slippers. I laughed remembering that it had led to numerous discussions about where he was going to put a lot of his ‘junk’!

Frustrated with seeing the scattered cardboard boxes around the flat, I decided to hang up his clothes and neatly stack his shoes and trainers; which were all still in their boxes, nicely in the built-in wardrobe, where tons of my own shoes were stacked. I was all hot and sticky when I had finished. Living with Bobby was going to be a big step, but it would be nice to come home knowing that my boyfriend would be there or would be coming home soon. Having to cook everyday, instead of rushing for a quick bite to eat before sitting bored in front of the television, constantly flicking channels trying to find something interesting to watch. Only problem was, now I would have to ensure that I constantly looked presentable, not looking all frumpy and unkempt, which I normally transformed into come evening. It meant that I wouldn’t be able to come home, take out my contact lenses and resort to wearing my half crooked pair of D&G glasses and relax in my over-worn house t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms. No, no, I can’t do any of that just yet, how he met me is how I’ve got to stay! Me letting my self-go now that we have moved in together is a recipe for disaster. It could easily turn him off, and send him into the arms of another woman, and I know there would always be a dozen who are willing to take him up. Its not that he hasn’t ever seen me first thing in the morning, with my headscarf around my head, and no make-up or something like that. But I just didn’t want anything to go wrong again. I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted him to remain attracted to me, keep the relationship alive. Not that we had a boring sex life, our sex life was very exciting when he was actually here! But I didn’t want the flame to burn out!
In a way it felt like an invasion of my space, but on the other hand it was like I embraced the warm feeling it gave me. I was sharing my world, with someone I loved. I was replacing my lonely days, with joy and excitement. I was building my life with another, changing for the better. Making my home, ‘our’ home