I turned and looked at the clock on the mantle, it was only quarter past eight this evening was dragging. I sat and flicked through the Sky channels, of course there was nothing worth watching. I settled and watched Desperate Housewives. As my mind drifted I sat and thought about where my life was at the moment. Was I happy? No I was not. I was content. I was at the stage in my life where you just get on with it. Adjust to the situation. Here I was a beautiful young single mother, working as a housing officer trying to make ends meet, whilst also studying with the ambition to hopefully own my own business, trying to do it on my own. Reese was always offering to help me financially for ‘Asia’s sake’, but I refused. I am not some poor helpless woman, I have my pride. I'm not going to live out of the hand of the man who broke my heart, who cheated on his fiancée with me, who lied and deceived me until he could not lie anymore! No way. He is there for his daughter and his daughter only. Asia never goes without. But I do. I go without the touch of a man, the feeling of being loved, being adored and being held delicately. Sometimes I feel jealous of Keshia’s relationship, she doesn’t deserve to be in one at the moment. Don’t get me wrong I love her to bits, she is like a sister to me but her and Bobby are taking this whole relationship thing as a joke. They don’t take it seriously; they fail to love each other endlessly. They abuse the fact that they are together. Although most of it has been Bobby’s’ fault, Keshia is not making it any better. She has turned and done exactly the same thing which he done to her. When will this end. It’s all the deceit and deception in relationships now which frightens me from entering one. Reese hurt me, but looking around at the men that are out there considering what he put me through, it doesn’t look like there is anything better left, they are all the same or worst. He is one of many men who commit adultery or fail to remain monogamous. Is this what my Asia has to look forward to? A lifetime of hurt and deception in relationships?
I reached onto the table stand grabbing my book. Since my unfortunate singlehood I had consumed my evenings with reading romance novels. Dreaming of being the one in love with the perfect man trying to please and satisfy my every desires. The one I was reading at the moment was similar to my life at the moment, the main character Chelsea was embarking on numerous unsuccessful dates. Looking for her prince charming and the man who ends up being her everything is the man who she least expected. The man who she confided all her disastrous dates in. He who listened attentively to her likes & dislikes, her fears and inhabitations. She didn’t know it, but he was so into her. I was up to the chapter where he was trying to win her over. He was going out of his way to indirectly show her that he was perfect for her. He had found the precious love in her. Why could my life not plan out like that? Why could my prince charming not be waiting?
Since my departure from Reese I haven’t met another brother like him. No one could match up to the way he treated me and although he had a woman at the time, he managed to make me feel special. He made me feel like I was number one in his life, like I was the one who he shared his every breath with. I must admit, he was the perfect gentleman when we were together. He made me happy. I do miss that feeling and I resent him for making me feel that way. It made it so much harder to forget about the good times we shared because it over clouded the bad at times. But I try to keep it in the horizon that he lied, he cheated, he deceived me and his fiancée. He had his cake and bowy was he enjoying it. What made it worst was the fact that Reese was still with Shantel. She had stuck by him like a woman who had already taken her vows and was living it ‘until death do we part’. I really don’t understand why they haven’t walked down the isle as yet. I mean she has proved herself as a fool for her man and they have been together for a while now, it must be over six years at least. I rolled my eyes, how would I handle it if he came and told me that they were finally tying the knot? Would I be bothered? Hell no! I can’t stand that Bastard! What he did to me was wrong. He hurt me. He has made my daughter a statistic. I can never forgive him for that. What if he wants Asia to be in the procession? Could I really say no? That would be such a shot in the heart if he marries her. He couldn’t tell me. But I know he would, he wouldn’t miss the opportunity to rub it in my face. This is why I need to hurry up and find someone. Show him that I have moved on. That I’m not mourning over him, not holding on to what used to be. I need to find me a relationship!
I was woken out of my daze when my mobile went off. I was convinced that it was Reese again so I took my time reaching across the sofa grabbing the handset; to my amazement it was not him. I looked at the screen and saw Keshia’s name flashing with her contact picture of us in the Grand Canaries the previous year. I pressed the answer button and heard the excited husky voice down my line.
“Hey girl, what’s up?”
“Nah, nothing I’m just here. Had a long day and Asia’s not well”
“Aww, my poor princess. I'm gonna come round tomorrow and bring her some ice-cream or something”
“Err, she needs soup not ice cream” I joked.
“Please, ice-cream helps everything. Leyah, were going out to this little spot down Ealing on Saturday so make sure Reese takes Asia”
“What. How can you just tell me, you’re supposed to ask!”
“Oh come on, you need to get out anyway”
“Why so far?”
“Well… we’ve been invited by Kamarni to come and watch him play. Sounds like it’s going to be really good”
“Oh, so you mean he has invited you and you’re just dragging us out to be your tag alongs?”
“No nothing like that. He said to bring you guys. Come on it will be fun”
“Okay, well I will see how Asia is by then and let you know”
“Oh please. Come on she has a father and you know he wouldn’t mind”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to just abandon her whilst she is sick”
“I hear you, but baby girl will be alright with her dad. So I will pick you up Saturday about ten. Okay love ya, bye”
Just like that she was gone. Keshia made me laugh she was like a black panther, gone in seconds. She never really waited for a response when she wanted her own way. Well at least she was keeping me at high spirits- keeping me up to date on the scene. She was the one who helped me the most through my depression stage after Reese. Finding out about his fiancée and then the confirmation that I was pregnant, I thought my life was over but Keshia helped me to see sense, well through her ‘logic’. It wasn’t the end of the world. I had to do what was best for me and my life would not stop because of a man and a baby. It was his lost and I would show him. Although I have yet to ‘show him’, I was doing well at this moment in time.
Just as I made a move to get up and turn off the television, my mobile went off; a text message. I pressed the retrieval button and went into my mailbox. Yep, right on cue. It was Reese asking me to give Asia a kiss from him and he would pass by tomorrow. He is so conniving, does he really think he can pull the wool over my eyes again. The end of the text read: Love you loads. Big Hugs and Kisses. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I believe that is a subliminal message directed at myself. There was no Love Daddy or tell Asia that he loves her loads. This man is still trying to play games!
