IF LOVING YOU WAS EASY © Copyright 2008 Cassandra Porter All rights reserved

PAPERBACK OFFICIALLY ON SALE!!!

2010-03-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

Thank you for reading and supporting my dreams.

Im glad to annononce that my book is officially on sale now for £9.99 at www.authorhouse.co.uk/Bookstore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=68055

http://www.amazon.co.uk/If-Loving-You-Was-Easy/dp/144905109X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1290462719&sr=8-1

You will also be able to purchase a copy at Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookstores in due course.

Thanks once again for the love.

The official launch party will be happening soon, were you will able to get your copies signed.

X

Chapter Seventeen- Janet

2010-02-23T15:08:00.000-08:00

We walked through the smokers outside enjoying their nicotine and into the packed bar on Ealing Broadway, scanning the large dimly lit room to find the bar. It seemed like there was a good crowd in here tonight.

I looked to my left as we moved carefully between people swaying to the music. I spotted Kamarni across the dark room talking to a large framed white man in a white shirt, looking like age and stress had taken its toll on his wrinkled skin. You could tell at the sight of him that he was trying as hard as he could to hold on to the little remaining youth he still had. Within seconds Keshia noticed Kamarni with the aged man and began walking over to him with no hesitation, swinging her hips to the rhythm of the tune which was playing, abandoning me and Leyah to continue our path towards the bar. At the same time as we continued to slip through the crowd a hard faced man pulled on Leyah’s arm hoping that she would take him up on his advances. He stood holding his bottle of Dom Perignon Champagne on full display of her vision, looking her up and down thinking she was one of those shallow girls who followed the smell of money. A pretentious woman. Well he was sure wrong, because she shocked him by shrugging him off not even acknowledging his rudeness and continuing beside me on our route. We finally made it to the bar, squeezing our way towards the counter and waited to order our drinks.

I scanned the room and noticed that there sure were some fine men in here tonight. There were the ‘Pretty boys’, with their perfectly lined haircuts, slick suits with not a crease in sight. Drinking brandy and talking to either the blonde haired white girls or the black Barbie dolls, both of which wore less clothes then Pamala Anderson and matched her with their cosmetically modified breasts on full display. Then there were the ‘Nigerian posse’, they were there flossing with their drinks and ordering everything at the bar. Trying to expose that they had money to burn. Attracting all the Gold diggers. The girls that wanted to have a good time and did not care at the cost. Wanting to be the centre of someone’s attraction tonight no matter how unattractive their taker was. They are the girls who were unwilling to put their hand in their purses at any point tonight, they were the willing takers and the Nigerian guys made sure that they would floss as much as they could to them. Across the other side of the room were the ‘Geeks’, the guys that came out trying their luck at finding a nice pretty lady. Ones who didn’t care that they could not hold a general conversation or approach women, but hoping that they would find one who would be interested in quantum physics and technical terminology for the most simplest things. And of course you had the ‘Shottas’ the ‘Flossers’ the ‘Thugs’ sporting huge heavy platinum chains, fat chops, diamond cut earrings and numerous gold teeth. Wearing the latest clothes and trousers half way down the backside, exposing the colour of their designer boxers to all! Observing the different types of people was comical. It was interesting but scary at the lack of quality which men possess out here for us unfortunate single women.

I collected my thoughts which were now plagued with the thought of ending up with one of these useless ‘playing’ men for the rest of my life, then I caught view of a nice group of four guys standing over at the other corner of the bar, engrossed in conversation, not worrying about the girls that were dancing in front of them to the sounds of Dwele. One of the guys caught my eye and was looking over at me, well I thought he was, but it could have well been the girl behind me wearing the shortest dress I had ever seen and a full head of curly long weave. I turned my head subtly as I noticed him definitely smiling in my direction as the lights from the bar lit up his face. I pretended that I didn’t notice him as Keshia came towards me walking through a group of young women doing a two step, eventually blocking eye contact between us, unknowingly rescuing me from this uncomfortable situation. She weaved her way through the masses of people to get closer to us and accidentally bumped into a girl wearing a blonde weave that had just paid for her drinks, spilling a few drops of her beverage onto the floor. The young girl turned around angry wearing a little pink frilly frock which clashed with her hair. Clearly unhappy that her drink had spilt she gave Keshia a menacing look, acting like she wanted to start a war right there ready to cause a scene. Keshia politely ignored by uttering sorry and continued to join us as blondie stood there cursing to her friend. I was glad for Keshia’s reaction as I was not able for a car fight tonight!
“Kamarni said hi. He’s reserved us a table in the VIP area” Keshia said all hyped.
“Oh lovely, where is he?” I shouted over the loud music.
“He is just over there talking to a few people. He should be starting soon. Look at him he looks so fine tonight” As Keshia spoke her words betrayed her relationship which she had with Bobby. The lust in her voice exposing her true desire for Kamarni and the look in her eyes blatantly undressed him as he stood unsuspectingly.
“Behave. I thought you were just friends?”
“Yeah, we are. Can’t I look and imagine?”
“Well as long as that’s all that you are doing!”
I looked up as one of the bar staff finally came towards me awaiting our order. I was temporarily mesmerized as he had a glowing golden Mediterranean complexion, with a full head of curly dark hair and large well kept hands. He looked like he should be a model not a bar tender. Leyah ordered a bottle of Rosé wine, waking me out of my daze. I reached into my handbag and took out a twenty pound note to pay as it was my turn to buy the first round. Leaving a generous tip the bar man thanked me with his wide pearly white smile, if only I was a little younger he would have my number right now!

We weaved our way back through the crowd and towards Kamarni who was waiting for us in the small V.I.P section. He was stood looking uncomfortable talking to a middle-aged woman wearing a pair of Denim shorts and a little cream top which showed her heavy boobs. He looked relieved when he spotted us in the distance walking in his direction, like he was waiting for the conversation to be interrupted. It was evident that the lady was trying her luck at getting his number, unfortunately she retreated unsuccessful and to the scornful glare of Keshia.
I laughed as Kamarni uttered thank you and ushered us to sit down on the soft brown leather seats. As we passed him Leyah and I said hello and gave him a friendly greeting of a kiss on the cheek, captured by his sweet smelling aftershave that stole the surrounding air.

We had ventured down to West London tonight to hear Kamarni perform at the Priory as it was their special Soulful sound night and he was the headlining act. I observed the packed venue which was filled with all types of people. It was nice to see people sharing a different environment away from the sweaty stuffy raves where you were guaranteed to see the usual suspects.
We placed our drinks on the table as we all moved to the soulful sound of Jill Scott. Keshia had grabbed Kamarni onto the dance floor and was teasing him seductively with her dance moves. Jealous eyes were piercing through the dimmed lighting but I was in full view of one group of women who were focusing on her, watching closely with daggers. They must have been real loyal fans because if looks could kill Keshia would be dead three times over! I nudged Leyah and pointed it out to her and watched her giggled remembering the old days when it used to be us giving out the dagger looks for fun. We turned away and continued to sway and enjoy the music in the company of one another, feeling the lyrics echo through the room and the people feeding off the mellow sounds. The music faded and Kamarni let loose of Keshia’s waist whispering something into her ear before disappearing into the crowd towards the back of the stage area.
Shortly after bright spotlights beamed on the stage, exposing a pretty dark skinned woman wearing a tight green and white flower wrap dress and an afro hairstyle stood with a microphone in her hand. As she familiarised herself with the stage she silenced the crowd and began to introduce the night, thanking people for their continued support. Once she had got full attention of the crowd she proceeded to introduce Kamarni which was overwhelmed with the cheers and applause from the lively audience. It was like he was Jay-Z getting ready to perform his biggest hits. It was amazing. You could see Kamarni was feeding off the crowd, happy to witness the response. I looked over at Keshia and could see that she was doing the same, like she was Beyoncé watching her man go out on the stage and please the crowd.
Kamarni started by performing a remixed acapella version for the cover of ‘Sweet Lady’ with his guitar in his hand. He continued by playing some more soulful songs which he had written. The crowd loved him. His voice was soothing like a southern humming bird. Throughout his performance he was looking over at Keshia, making sure that she felt his every word. Trapping her in his web of fantasies and romance. Leaving her bathing in the seduction. Feeling like she was the only one which mattered. Every woman dreamed of having a romantic attentive man and Kamarni was executing that with precision tonight, like he was sculpting a perfect ice sculpture. Moulding it to how he wanted it to be, watching the ice melt in his hands, dripping in the basking heat.

He had finished his performance, leaving the stage enduring loud applauses and screams. We stroked his ego even more by telling him how good he was and hugging him. Thing is that he was really, exceptionally good. He had been blessed with an amazing talent and he was using it to his advantage. The women loved him and the guys looked on with blank expressions wanting to be him. Slowly the music came back on and I surrendered back to dancing wanting to make sure that I fully enjoyed my night. I let the lyrics take me to another place allowing my body to sway to the rhythm. Suddenly I felt this hand touch me, I turned around thinking that it must be Leyah but to my surprise I was greeted face to face by a tall medium built man, recognising him as the guy who was looking over at me by bar earlier. He was about six foot, wearing a white shirt with the two top buttons undone and black jeans.
“Hi there princess, how you doing? You’re looking really nice tonight. You must be complimenting your man nuff tonight”
I expressed my slight amusement “Actually I’m here with my girls”
“Okay, so your husband is at home I take it?”
“Not exactly”
“So therefore I take it its okay for me to offer you a drink, as a platonic gesture of course?”
Wow, this guy was forward at getting the answers he needed and he was making me smile. That was a first. “Errm, well...”
He turned and looked at our table. “Can I offer your friends a drink also, because you all looking stunning tonight”
“Well actually… errrm….”
Before I could answer Keshia stepped in and answered for us.
“Yes, we will have a bottle of Rosé please”
“A bottle of Rosé, that’s fine. Is that for all of you or would anyone like anything different?”
“That’s fine thank you” I rushed, before Keshia could make any more orders.
He directed his words at me, while stretching out his hand for me to shake. “Sorry for being rude, and your name is?”
I smiled and answered, as I did he held my hand in his soft palms which complimented him as someone who was well groomed.
“And I am Michael Mensa”
I smiled. “Hi Michael, this is Leyah and Keshia”
“Hi, nice to meet you ladies. I hope that you are all having a nice evening. Hold on I’ll be back, let me go and get your drinks”
He walked off towards the bar while we all watched him move his slender body through the crowd. I must admit that he looked good and smelt even better. We stood there and conferred amongst ourselves about our first impressions of him.
“Oohh, he’s cute”
“Nah, to tall for me”
“What are you talking about, too tall? He dresses well though!”
“At least he has manners. How many men do you know these days that offer to buy you and your friends drinks?”
“That’s true. I must admit he has some lyrics on him”
“We need to come down to West London more often. South brothers don’t have it going on like this!”
We all laughed, knowing that it was true. These days you’re lucky if a man even offered to hold your glass if you went to the ladies! I spotted Michael walking back towards us, stopping to talk to a guy who he appeared to know who looked very simple in a green T-shirt and a pair of stone washed jeans. I frowned as it did not look like he had not made much of an effort to come out tonight. Must have a woman waiting for him at home!
Michael walked towards us with the simple guy in tow. As he reached our table he introduced him.
“Ladies this is Jermaine, he is one of the resident DJ’s here, DJ Skeelo and this is Janet… Keshia and… Leyah” We all smiled and waved politely.
I thought to myself, wow how did he remember all our names so quick. This guy was smooth.
“Oh okay. So was that you playing earlier?” Leyah questioned.
“Yeah. Did you enjoy it?”
“Yeah. You played some really good songs, you don’t really hear them out in clubs anymore” Leyah knew a lot about music, that was her favourite past time. She knew every form of genre, every artist and every song. All she had to do was hear the first five seconds of a tune and she would be able to name it. For the next twenty minutes she engaged in a short conversation with DJ Skeelo and got a few names of the artists which he played exclusively earlier tonight. He handed her a business card and promised that he would send her an exclusive mix CD. I know that must have made Leyah’s night. DJ Skeelo approached Michael and informed him that he had to disperse to go and do his set. As he did he said goodbye and directed a dazzling smile at Leyah exposing his perfectly straight teeth, he touched Michael with fists then made his exit.

“Alright Ladies, I’m going to have to join my friends as I’m being unsociable. I will catch up with you later during the night.”
Micheal finished his sentence and looked at me, focusing his words at me he seductively whispered in my ear as his hot breath shot down my neck as he spoke. “I will speak to you soon, okay” He gave me a smile from the corner of his mouth as I nodded my head in a silent agreement. Although he was a little corny he made my stomach flutter. Michael retreated back to the corner where I first noticed his presence and rejoined his friends. We all looked at each other, smiling at the outcome of our evening so far.
We continued dancing and enjoying ourselves to the soulful music DJ Skeelo played, when the next song was interrupted by an announcement…
“Yeah. This song has been dedicated to the lovely lady Janet, coming from someone in here who likes your style. Go there girl! ”
I turned to Leyah in shock upon hearing my name as I did I felt the touch of warm breath whisper in my ear “Can I have this dance?” I swung around to my left I saw Michael standing behind me. He had this innocent look on his face which made me smile. I held no resistance and politely accepted his proposal, but before I could finish my words he had turned me around to hold my waist delicately. He held me so close to him that I could smell the familiar scent of Isei Mayaki. I recognised this smell because it was one of my preferred fragrances for men, not as good as Jean Paul Guiltier but it was making the whole scenario so real and sensual as we swayed to the sounds of Raheem Devaughn.
“Are you enjoying yourself tonight?” He questioned.
“Yeah, it’s quite a nice place here. I don’t normally come to places up West London”
“So what brought you out tonight?”
“My girl Keshia. Her friend was the guy singing on stage with the guitar, he invited us”
“Oh, okay. Well, I can always show you a few more nice places around here”
“We will see…I take it you live in West London then?”
“Yeah, I just bought a place in Chiswick”
“Oh okay. Nice area. So what do you do for a living?”
“I'm an accountant for a firm up in the City”
“Oh nice.”
“And yourself?”
“I'm actually a HR Manager for a Media Company”
“So you’re a professional. Where are you based?”
“Our main office is by Chelsea Bridge”
“Nice. So, gathering from your fine figure I take it you’re in the gym often and you have no kids… It’s just an observation.”
I looked up at him puzzled but having to laugh at his comment, where was this guy going with this; He had a cheeky devious smile on his face. What an assumption. A correct one I must add.
“Actually… I try to get to the gym when I can. I'm not there often, my figure just comes naturally” He had a shocked expression on his face. “And for your information I do not have any children as yet. I'm looking the right man to settle down with”
“That’s good, I’m looking for the right woman also”
We both sniggered at his cheesy line and started dancing even closer. He put both of his arms around my waist. I thought to myself, this guy can move but not as good as Marcus. He is cute though and there is something about his persona which intrigues me. I like the way which he is making an effort and it is a positive that he also makes me laugh. The song faded and the mellow sounds of Anthony Hamilton began to play. I could feel him getting lost in the soft beat. Although I was enjoying dancing with him, I couldn’t stop my mind drifting. I was thinking about Marcus. He had been the last person who had touched me so intimately and we had danced close that very night when he was at my house the other week. As Michael held me in his arms, I felt like I had betrayed him. I was thinking about another man, while close with another. I couldn’t help it my mind was consumed by thoughts of Marcus. I had hoped this night would help me to shake off the feelings which I felt for him, help me to forget what I held in my heart but I had failed. Damn it! Let me just get my mind together and concentrate on now!
Michael seemed like a nice guy, he was a dark chocolate complexion, dressed nice, made me laugh, and was confident but soave. I liked this about him, I deliberated in my head and concluded that I wouldn’t mind knowing a bit more about him.

The music changed and I slowly let go of Michael, allowing myself to get some air as my hair had definitely sweated out a little and my little black dress was getting creased. I looked around the nearby people dancing, looking out for my girls. I shortly spotted Kamarni and Keshia. They were slow grinding to the music over on the wall, concealed by the dark. I could swear they were tearing off the paintwork, I could see the bails of sweat on Kamarni’s face and Keshia’s hairstyle had fallen from all the heat. Their bodies conjoined like Siamese twins. Watching them made me remember the parties my parents used to attend when I was little, where all the parents would be slow, slow dancing to the point where it looked like they wasn’t even moving!
I spotted Leyah swaying with a chocolate brown guy, wearing a nice black suit. His look reminded me of Reese for some reason, but I was gad that she was coming out of her shell. Since her date last week she was letting herself go. Letting go of the animosity and contempt which she held towards men and she was smiling more which was a good sign.

It was getting late and the bar was due to shut in ten minutes. The remaining few people took the opportunity to get in their last dances to the slow jams and the geeks tried their last attempts at getting a dance before the night ended.
“So baby girl can I get the pleasure of gracing your company again and fulfilling my promise to show you a few more nice spots in West London?” Micheal stated, holding the small of my frame close so that I could hear him over the music.
I looked up into the dark brown pools of his eyes and analysed his request.
I casually replied “Sure, why not”
Michael reached into his jean pocket and took out his iPhone. I looked at it doubtfully and wondered if I should actually give him my number or take his. I decided against my normal procedure and tapped my number into his phone discreetly. I didn’t want on lookers to think that I had purposely come out to find a man in a bar tonight, like the lonely heart which I was. I finished typing my number and handed him back the phone, he looked at it and then back at me testing that I had given him the correct number then he typed in my name and pressed save. He leaned closer and gave me a light peck on my cheek with his wet lips, before vowing the night goodbye. I responded by giving him a slight smile as he stepped back.
“Goodnight princess. I will call you”
“Okay. Night”
Michael walked towards the exit to catch up with his friends. He looked back as he neared the door not wanting to leave me behind, but knowing that he had to.

Leyah was gathering our jackets and bags from our VIP area while Keshia and Kamarni were acting like there was no one else in the room. They were still grinding against the wall to the last song. I could see the intensity of the dance. The way which they held each other tight revealed the desire they had for each other. Kamarni looked lost in the sounds of the music and the scent of Keshia’s perfume, his head buried deep in her neck. I witnessed him giving her light kisses in that exact place as Keshia squeezed him tighter. They began whining lower and lower, Keshia swaying her bottom from left to right, lower and lower, tantalising the onlookers as Kamarni’s muscular hands exposed what her movements was doing to him by chasing her back in an intense grip. Finally the music stopped and the lights came on. It took Keshia and Kamarni a few seconds to realise that it was closing time and there was no music coming through the speakers. They released each other’s grip and looked around, flustered.
On witnessing that they had finally separated, we rose and watched as Keshia noticed us waiting patiently leading Kamarni over to us by the hand.
“Oh my gosh. Sorry girls”
“It’s my fault. I couldn’t let go of her” Kamarni confessed lightly drying his face from the masses of sweat which he had complied during the intense dance.
“Well, it doesn’t matter. You did what you’re supposed to do. Enjoy yourselves. Now let’s get out of here before they escort us off the premises” I said jokingly.
While we walked towards the exit, Kamarni slowed us down by saying goodnight to a few staff members and the old white guy who he was talking with when we entered the club.
We reached outside, which was still mild and warm, and was bombarded by the flyer touts, handing out invites to their next rave. Most of which landed on the floor a few yards up except for one which was complimented with a CD.
Trying to rush to the car Leyah and I struggled to walk as our feet had given up to the suffering from the heels. As expected Keshia and Kamarni lagged behind arm in arm. As we led the way reflecting on the night Leyah told me all about her Reese look-alike. I was disappointed that she decided not to exchange numbers with him, because he was one sexy fine man but she explained that she did not need another Reese in her life anytime soon and we both knew that she had a radar for men like him!
We arrived at my car and I unlocked the doors and jumped onto the cold leather seats, rushing to start the engine in an attempt to rush Keshia.
“Hey girls, I’m going to get a lift with Kamarni”
Leyah and I looked at each other suspiciously. Yeah we knew this was going to happen. Keshia had hoped it had gone down like this from the beginning. We knew exactly what was on her mind and to be honest neither one of us could really blame her. Kamarni was a fine male specimen and Keshia was right, he looked damn good tonight! Well she is a grown woman, she can do as she likes, who are we to remind her of her morals and commitments which she had consented to with Bobby. I for sure was fed up of reminding her, but Leyah on the other hand was not. Her heart still ached with the pain which Reese had put her through and although Keshia was reversing the perpetrator role it was still the same wrong in Leyah’s eyes.
“Kesh, I don’t think you should be going anywhere with Kamarni tonight. Don’t forget Bobby is waiting for you at home” She whispered trying not to trigger Kamarni’s hearing. “And you need to go home you look like you have had too much too drink, it may effect your sense of judgement”
“Look. I'm fine. Don’t worry about me and definitely don’t worry about B. Nothing is going to happen. Were just going to talk on the way back”
We both sat there unconvinced, but allowed her to make her own decision.
“Well call me as soon as you get back home. Or send a text. I will be waiting”
Keshia nodded to Leyah as she turned and waved goodbye to us. She shut the passenger door and walked towards Kamarni waiting patiently nearby on the curb.
They both watched as we pulled off, driving down the filled streets to make our journey back towards the South of the River.

Chapter 16.2- Leyah

2010-01-28T14:47:00.000-08:00

I turned and looked at the clock on the mantle, it was only quarter past eight this evening was dragging. I sat and flicked through the Sky channels, of course there was nothing worth watching. I settled and watched Desperate Housewives. As my mind drifted I sat and thought about where my life was at the moment. Was I happy? No I was not. I was content. I was at the stage in my life where you just get on with it. Adjust to the situation. Here I was a beautiful young single mother, working as a housing officer trying to make ends meet, whilst also studying with the ambition to hopefully own my own business, trying to do it on my own. Reese was always offering to help me financially for ‘Asia’s sake’, but I refused. I am not some poor helpless woman, I have my pride. I'm not going to live out of the hand of the man who broke my heart, who cheated on his fiancée with me, who lied and deceived me until he could not lie anymore! No way. He is there for his daughter and his daughter only. Asia never goes without. But I do. I go without the touch of a man, the feeling of being loved, being adored and being held delicately. Sometimes I feel jealous of Keshia’s relationship, she doesn’t deserve to be in one at the moment. Don’t get me wrong I love her to bits, she is like a sister to me but her and Bobby are taking this whole relationship thing as a joke. They don’t take it seriously; they fail to love each other endlessly. They abuse the fact that they are together. Although most of it has been Bobby’s’ fault, Keshia is not making it any better. She has turned and done exactly the same thing which he done to her. When will this end. It’s all the deceit and deception in relationships now which frightens me from entering one. Reese hurt me, but looking around at the men that are out there considering what he put me through, it doesn’t look like there is anything better left, they are all the same or worst. He is one of many men who commit adultery or fail to remain monogamous. Is this what my Asia has to look forward to? A lifetime of hurt and deception in relationships?

I reached onto the table stand grabbing my book. Since my unfortunate singlehood I had consumed my evenings with reading romance novels. Dreaming of being the one in love with the perfect man trying to please and satisfy my every desires. The one I was reading at the moment was similar to my life at the moment, the main character Chelsea was embarking on numerous unsuccessful dates. Looking for her prince charming and the man who ends up being her everything is the man who she least expected. The man who she confided all her disastrous dates in. He who listened attentively to her likes & dislikes, her fears and inhabitations. She didn’t know it, but he was so into her. I was up to the chapter where he was trying to win her over. He was going out of his way to indirectly show her that he was perfect for her. He had found the precious love in her. Why could my life not plan out like that? Why could my prince charming not be waiting?
Since my departure from Reese I haven’t met another brother like him. No one could match up to the way he treated me and although he had a woman at the time, he managed to make me feel special. He made me feel like I was number one in his life, like I was the one who he shared his every breath with. I must admit, he was the perfect gentleman when we were together. He made me happy. I do miss that feeling and I resent him for making me feel that way. It made it so much harder to forget about the good times we shared because it over clouded the bad at times. But I try to keep it in the horizon that he lied, he cheated, he deceived me and his fiancée. He had his cake and bowy was he enjoying it. What made it worst was the fact that Reese was still with Shantel. She had stuck by him like a woman who had already taken her vows and was living it ‘until death do we part’. I really don’t understand why they haven’t walked down the isle as yet. I mean she has proved herself as a fool for her man and they have been together for a while now, it must be over six years at least. I rolled my eyes, how would I handle it if he came and told me that they were finally tying the knot? Would I be bothered? Hell no! I can’t stand that Bastard! What he did to me was wrong. He hurt me. He has made my daughter a statistic. I can never forgive him for that. What if he wants Asia to be in the procession? Could I really say no? That would be such a shot in the heart if he marries her. He couldn’t tell me. But I know he would, he wouldn’t miss the opportunity to rub it in my face. This is why I need to hurry up and find someone. Show him that I have moved on. That I’m not mourning over him, not holding on to what used to be. I need to find me a relationship!
I was woken out of my daze when my mobile went off. I was convinced that it was Reese again so I took my time reaching across the sofa grabbing the handset; to my amazement it was not him. I looked at the screen and saw Keshia’s name flashing with her contact picture of us in the Grand Canaries the previous year. I pressed the answer button and heard the excited husky voice down my line.
“Hey girl, what’s up?”
“Nah, nothing I’m just here. Had a long day and Asia’s not well”
“Aww, my poor princess. I'm gonna come round tomorrow and bring her some ice-cream or something”
“Err, she needs soup not ice cream” I joked.
“Please, ice-cream helps everything. Leyah, were going out to this little spot down Ealing on Saturday so make sure Reese takes Asia”
“What. How can you just tell me, you’re supposed to ask!”
“Oh come on, you need to get out anyway”
“Why so far?”
“Well… we’ve been invited by Kamarni to come and watch him play. Sounds like it’s going to be really good”
“Oh, so you mean he has invited you and you’re just dragging us out to be your tag alongs?”
“No nothing like that. He said to bring you guys. Come on it will be fun”
“Okay, well I will see how Asia is by then and let you know”
“Oh please. Come on she has a father and you know he wouldn’t mind”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to just abandon her whilst she is sick”
“I hear you, but baby girl will be alright with her dad. So I will pick you up Saturday about ten. Okay love ya, bye”
Just like that she was gone. Keshia made me laugh she was like a black panther, gone in seconds. She never really waited for a response when she wanted her own way. Well at least she was keeping me at high spirits- keeping me up to date on the scene. She was the one who helped me the most through my depression stage after Reese. Finding out about his fiancée and then the confirmation that I was pregnant, I thought my life was over but Keshia helped me to see sense, well through her ‘logic’. It wasn’t the end of the world. I had to do what was best for me and my life would not stop because of a man and a baby. It was his lost and I would show him. Although I have yet to ‘show him’, I was doing well at this moment in time.

Just as I made a move to get up and turn off the television, my mobile went off; a text message. I pressed the retrieval button and went into my mailbox. Yep, right on cue. It was Reese asking me to give Asia a kiss from him and he would pass by tomorrow. He is so conniving, does he really think he can pull the wool over my eyes again. The end of the text read: Love you loads. Big Hugs and Kisses. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I believe that is a subliminal message directed at myself. There was no Love Daddy or tell Asia that he loves her loads. This man is still trying to play games!

Chapter 16.1- Leyah

2009-12-20T06:29:00.000-08:00

“Look you need to stop calling me. Why are you checking up on me anyway? Have you nothing better to do?” I shouted down the phone, whilst trying to make a cup of tea.
“I'm not checking up on you, I’m checking how my baby girl is”
I gritted my teeth. “She is fine now, just like half an hour ago when you called and the hour before that! Look I do have things to sort out! Your constant phoning is disturbing me now Reese I am trying to be polite!”
I was getting very irritated now. Asia only had a little temperature and runny nose and Reese was treating it like she had been diagnosed with Meningitis! I knew that this was just an excuse, he was acting more anxious than usual, like he was so concerned that he should come around to make sure that she was okay. Anything to try and come down in order for him to try persuade me that he has changed! Anything to make my blood boil! Rub the situation in my face!
“Leyah I'm just concerned about my babies’ health. I’m here to make sure she is okay. I'm worried”
“Please Reese! Are you trying to say that I am incapable of looking after my daughter and nursing her back to health?”
“Correction ‘our’ daughter! And I'm not saying that and you know it. But I just want to ensure that she is okay. Did you give her the night dose for her medicine?”
“Look I’m going now Reese!”
I hung up the phone. He was calling too much now. Not only was it infuriating but I was also becoming to be suspicious at his real motive! He had been the one to collect her from school yesterday, because they could not get hold of me and now he was not letting me forget it! He was everywhere, every minute, every second and he is not even physically here! At first it was nice of him to check on her after he dropped her home, but as soon as he collected her from school he had taken her to the doctors and collected her medicine from the pharmacy before I was able to do it. He was proving to me that he is capable and that he would drop everything for our daughter. I know he really enjoys being a part of her life. But I know this already, he did not have to reinforce it like this! Maybe he had heard that I was on a date last weekend. But who would have told him? Nah, I’m just being paranoid! I know Reese, this type of behaviour has always been instigated by something or someone!

After he had finally vacated my phone line I went and tucked Asia safely into her princess sheets, reading her favourite Barbie story until she fell asleep. She was so beautiful. Although she looked so much like her father she had the odd little features from me. Her cute button nose, that Reese always admired on me and she also inherited my full-size ears. Other than that she was the perfect clone of her father. I always resented Reese for that. Every time I looked at her she reminded me of him. How he use to make me feel when he used to compliment me every time he saw me or walked into a room. He made me feel like a princess and now he was making Asia feel like one too. He devoted everything to his little girl. She was the apple of his eye. He would do anything for her, even put his relationship at risk for her; which he has done on more than one occasion. Reese did not care. He was the type of man that would cheat, get caught and blame it all on his woman for not giving him enough attention and neglecting his needs! He was an arrogant bastard at times. But he was not my problem. Like I said good luck to Shantel!
My priority is Asia, and as long as he makes sure that he looks after her and does not let any woman affect this, then it is okay with me!

I hadn’t called Lucas as yet as I was still sceptical about our date. Why would he want to take me on such a romantic walk on our first date? He was definitely trying to make me fall into his web fast and furious! I did have fun though, he did seem genuine but things are never as good as they seem.
I should just give him a call and see what he is up to.
I rushed downstairs to look for my mobile phone which I had on charge since Reese had killed the battery calling every hour on the hour!
I contemplated on the move which I was about to do, but quickly resorted to continuing the act before I talked myself out of it. I searched through the phone book and stopped at L. There it was, Lucas. Right here it goes…
“Hello…”
“Hi this is Lucas Banton Speaking”
“Wow, are you always this formal on the phone?”
“Yes I am.” He laughed. “Who am I speaking to?”
”Do you not have my name stored in your phone?”
“Sorry, but I have my bluetooth in and it answered automatically”
“It’s Leyah”
“Oh… hi stranger. Didn’t think that you would call”
“Well of course I would, why wouldn’t I?”
“One second…”
I listened carefully as I heard him close a door, entering somewhere more quite.
“Sorry… Well it has been two weeks since our date and every time I offer to take you out again you provide a new excuse!”
“They were not excuses. I have just been busy with all this studying I’m doing at the moment”
“Okay. Well I will let you off. But you have to make it up to me!”
Look at him. Make what up! He is lucky that I even phoned him at all. “Make what up? What for?”
“Make up the two weeks which you have been denying me of your wonderful company and grace”
I had to laugh, this mans charm is so cheesy! “Well I will let you take me out to Musiq Soulchild concert in a couple of weeks”
“Wow, your very demanding aren’t you? Okay. I guess it’s a date then!”
I thought to myself, I’m not going to give this man the pleasure of my company again so easy. I better do it right and let him work for this! Musiq Soulchild tickets were just the answer. I wanted to go to this for the longest, but I didn’t want to be there with my girls looking like a lonely hearts column displayed for all to see. Most people would be there with their partners, holding hands, hugging each other and singing to the words. That was my mistake when I went to the Joe concert last year. I felt so pathetic standing there with Keshia by my side. Don’t get me wrong I was glad for the company and it was one hell of a concert, but I needed to be there with the opposite sex.
Now Lucas taking me to this concert was a test to see how much he really wanted to go on another date with me, the tickets were almost sold out so he would have to act fast.
“Okay, well I’m going to get onto the tickets, the best seats in the house” He paused for a brief moment and the phone went all muffled. “Leyah, I got to go. We’ll talk soon. Bye”
Lucas hung up the phone suddenly without even waiting for my reply. That was strange. Why did he run so quick? I could hear voices in the background of a woman I think, it wouldn’t surprise me if he was a married man! Men are all the same. Well I’m going to remain positive like Janet always advises. I’m not going to think the worst just because Reese had been a bastard and all the other countless guys we seem to come across. Faith was not one of my strong points at the moment, but I will give it a go. We had just made arrangements to go to see Musiq Soulchild and that was fine with me. Just as long as he keeps his promise then I won’t have much to moan about and part of my faith will be restored.

Chapter Fifteen- Keshia

2009-12-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

This was all pretence. Here we were sitting around the large expensive marble dinning table having dinner with his family. Pretending we were happily in love. Yes I do love him, I love him with all my heart but I’m just not sure that I can trust him anymore. I mean once the trust has gone it’s so hard to get it back. I want to get it back, but I don’t know if I can. Things have changed. He has changed, I have changed and after last week’s fiasco with that bitch Shanny I'm not sure if I can fight this fight anymore. But for now I’m just going to pretend that everything is okay with my pretend smile. Bobby has been trying to come straight home everyday this week and I must admit he has started to make more effort but it is not enough. I’m just worried that it may be a little too late.

We were all sat finishing off the raspberry tart with ice cream, listening to Bobby’s mother talking about the family and the recent family scandals. She was making me laugh, because she was a hard core Christian but she could cuss. She could not tame her tongue and told it how it was. Through his mothers gossiping I had learned that Bobby had this cousin who did not know who her son’s father was. Now that was the talk of the year! Bobby’s mum did not stop with that subject for about six months straight. It was frowned upon in his family, and rightfully so. She was a big woman at the age of forty four she should not be getting herself into such situations. Funny thing is Bobby’s mum had this expression where she would turn up her nose and mouth in disgust, her scrawny face sour as if to say ‘Well I’m going to leave them to it as long as it is not my child. The Lord will deal with her’.
Bobby’s sister Christina was lovely we got on well. She worked as a social worker and had the cutest two year old little boy who looked nothing like her. She knew that her brother was a dog and always reminded me that I was the best girlfriend that he had brought home, telling me that I had changed him for the better. Little did she know that things had not really changed at all! It was just all one big performance. Another one of Bobby’s acting roles which he plays in his television dramas. But I opted to keep the peace, I could not tell her the truth. I don’t like to involve other people in our relationship especially his family so I continued to let her think everything was rosy and played my character in the performance of he happy dedicated girlfriend.

Bobby’s mum had a large four bedroom house in Purley with her husband Mathew who was a successful banker. Bobby always used to throw this in my face, boasting that he had grown up in a stable environment and did not grow up on an estate. I hated when he spoke like this, sometimes it would make me feel really low because I had been that ‘estate’ girl. I grew up on poverty stricken North Peckham Estate and I did not know my father until I was in my teens. My mum got pregnant and had two other children with another man, who later also disappeared leaving her to raise us all on her own. Yes we were a stereotypical family from Peckham but I was determined to do something with my life, make better from the torn streets which I had grown up in. Unfortunately my younger brothers failed to think like me. They’re mentalities are totally different, you could say that they are a bit ‘hood’. Twenty one year old Kirk is currently serving time in Her Majesties Prison for gun and drug charges and Kyle was the biggest ‘Shotta’ on the estate, at his tender age of nineteen he did not want to hear anything from anyone. He did not even learn from the example of his older brother. Everyone thought that it would make him wake up and see that that lifestyle was not as glorious as some make it out to be, but Kyle just believes it was a ‘set up’ a scheme which the ‘youngers’ plotted to get ‘Dripsy’ as they called Kirk, off the street. Now he thinks that he has to guard his ‘manor’! I just leave him to it now, I’m fed up of talking to him. He is fully aware of the consequences, he has seen it first hand. Even one of his close friends was shot and killed a few months ago but he still doesn’t learn. It’s so sad. I work with a lot of youths like him and I hear so many stories, but I can’t help my own brothers. They have gone too far.
I make time to visit Kirk every few months, send him money and other needed items. I hate to see him locked up like an animal and he knows that I’m disappointed in him. Everyday I pray that when he eventually gets out on parole he will turn his life around. Especially as he has two children out here, with two different mothers who need their father!
Bobby’s life was more stable, yes indeed it was but I had to remind him every so often that his family was far from perfect and he is the prime example of this.

I bent down and loaded the dirty dishes into the dishwasher with Bobby’s reluctant assistance. He was standing humouring his sisters husband who thought he knew everything and was trying to explain to his mum and sister about Caribbean descendants being lost, not having any identity and blaming the increasing drugs and crime on us. My blood was boiling! That man could chat so much shit. I had to get out of that room, because being the only one in the house who was from Jamaican parentage I would have got ignorant up in there! I decided to hide out in the kitchen trying not to cause a scene due to the fact that I was becoming increasingly offended by the comments. Bobby could see it in my face that I was annoyed and had followed my exit.
We had finished loading the dishes and I rinsed off my hands in the designer sink. I swear his parents were involved in some sort of scam. I don’t know how they afforded such a state of the art house, when she was only a nurse. I knew all those trips to Nigeria were suspicious! I laughed to myself thinking of my stupidity. I saw Booby looking out the kitchen door, checking that no one was nearby, once he was sure that we were alone he decided to try and divert my frustration and anger by kissing my neck. Damn, he knew I loved that. He began working his way up to my ear lobes slowly. My tension slowly fading away.
“Stop. What are you doing?” I interrupted, moving my neck away.
“Nothing. It feels nice doesn’t it?”
I mumbled in agreement, succumbing to the feeling as I gave him back my neck.
“Come follow me up stairs quickly” He whispered, taking hold of my left hand.
I looked up at him shocked. Oh my gosh, Bobby was playing with fire and I liked it. It was exciting. We sneaked up the back set of stairs and went into the large guest bathroom, locking the door behind us. We were acting like two naughty teens hiding from our parents. He was horny and I could feel his bulge through his jeans as he pressed me against his groin eagerly. We began kissing passionately. We haven’t kissed like this for ages, the more he held me tighter the more I wanted him. He fondled with my dress attempting to take off my panties. As soon as he succeeded I unzipped his zip and he spun me around and leaned me up against the clean white sink while he inserted me from behind with a huge thrust. He felt so good, I needed this. As he entered deeper, he began making a groaning noise. I think he forgot where we were. I tried to tell him to shush, which failed so I took my hand and placed it over his mouth. Through all the excitement he thrusted deeper and deeper until we both climaxed.
Sometimes the quickies were the best sexual moments you have, sometimes it was well needed to bring the spark back into the relationship and today it had worked for us.
He slowly pulled out while he kissed me all over my cheeks and neck, cleaning himself up with the wipes under the bathroom cabinet. After we both cleaned up we discreetly went back downstairs with a cheeky grin on our face holding hands, like nothing happened. When we entered the living room I saw his sister give me a smile which said ‘Yeah, I know what you two were up to’. Right now I didn’t care, I was uplifted. I was satisfied. Bobby and I had not had sex since the first week he moved back in. The passion was dead, which was partly due to my anger with him and the decisions he had made. But now it was back!

We travelled the thirty-five minute drive back home with huge smiles on our faces; the ten minutes in his parent’s bathroom had changed our feelings for the better.
When we reached back into our house I began to tidy up while Bobby sat practicing the script for the new drama series he was scheduled to play. He had landed the role of an aspiring footballer who was torn between the streets and his dreams. I hated when Bobby took such stereotypical roles, but he always assured me that some recognition was better than none at all. I guess he was sort of right, it could lead to bigger roles. Hollywood as he had hoped.
Since Bobby moved into the flat I had failed to give it the through attention it needed, it was well in desperate need of a clean. It still looked disorganised no matter how many times I tried to organise his stuff, he still had bits all over the place. This cleaning venture was a way for me to find a home for all of them, well a corner or cupboard to squash them into. I dusted, polished and swept the flat down, which took me two solid hours. The whole time bobby did nothing but watch. He thought it was better that way because he would just get in my way.
Once I finished wiping down the kitchen floors, I wiped my brow and decided that enough was enough. I needed a break. The first thought that sprung into my mind was to go to the gym and have a nice relaxing session in the sauna. As the vision of me relaxing played through my mind I escaped into the bedroom to change into my gym clothes.
“Babes, I’m going to go down to the gym. So, you can have some time to recite your lines. I will be back in a little while”
“Okay, baby. Be good” He said peering over his script.
“I should be telling you that babes!”
I gave Bobby a quick kiss on his succulent full lips and grabbed my gym bag out of the cupboard by the front door, which I had to pull out from the many boxes of Bobby’s crap. I picked up the car keys and walked out the door, onto the landing and down the steps of the flat, through the communal door.

Once outside I felt refreshed. I took a breath of the fresh air, reached into the pocket of my tracksuit bottom and took out my mobile phone to give Janet a call hoping that she would join me. As I dialled her number I walked to the car parked in our allocated bay. We had allocated residents parking which was a joke sometimes, because you would come home to find someone had parked their car in your space. I was fed up with that happening so I adopted the routine that I would park my car in front of the culprit and block them in. Leaving them to beep their horn and wait for me to move my car. Equal inconvenience!
I unlocked the car, opened the door and got in with my phone on my right ear waiting for an answer.
“Hey Kesh. What’s up?”
“I'm just on my way to the gym. You fancy joining me?”
“Well, I’m not doing anything at the moment, this can wait. So okay”
“Alright I’m going to come for you now”
I hated going to the gym by myself as it meant that I would have to engage in small talk with other regulars and discuss things that I was not really interested in. It did have its benefits thou, for example you would hear about the staff members who were dating the members or having ‘relations’ with them and where. It was a raunchy world out there!
My feet couldn’t even touch the pedals because of Bobby’s long legs. We often shared cars, but his BMW 3 series was currently at the garage receiving a service. It was nice to have the variety at times as it was noticeable difference from my 1999 Audi A3. I just thrived on the automatic/ triptronic gearbox, I loved being able to just put my foot down and go instead of fiddling with gears. It was a nice break.
I started the engine and pushed the stick into reverse, slowly backing out of the parking space, past Mrs Wilmore’s red Grand Cherokee and out onto the main road. Weaving through the back streets it only took me ten minutes to get to Janet’s. I pulled up outside her house beeping my horn for her to come out, noticing her peer from the curtain. Her street was nice and quite, looking like a miniature suburb. Full of detached houses, with driveways and beautifully manicured gardens. A rear sight nowadays in this area.
Two minutes later, Janet appeared at the front door with her gym bag on her shoulder wearing her black Nike tracksuit.
“Hey, lets go”
We took the short drive to the gym and parked up, finding a good space today. Normally finding parking was a nightmare, it seemed as though everyone came to this gym, although I rarely saw anyone who I knew.

We walked into the deserted foyer swiping our membership cards through the barriers. Once inside we proceeded to the female locker room and locked away our belongings. Placing our membership card against the locker to secure its safety.

We entered the busy gym and spotted two free machines so we decided to do a short cardio workout before hitting the sauna. Sweat dripped down Janet’s face as she pushed herself on the rowing machine, while I ran at a steady pace on the running machine conscious of my aching bones following the extensive cleaning routine I recently conducted. I casually looked around, suddenly noticing a familiar reflection in the mirror in front of me. I turned around and looked to my far left absorbing the tall, muscled body which was dressed in a tight white vest and black tracksuit bottoms, his locks were all tied back in a ponytail. I could recognise the back of that frame any day! I gasped, what was he doing here? I swiftly turned away to look at my reflection to ensure that I was looking presentable, which was not the case. Sweat was dripping down my face, my black head tie holding my hair off my face and no make up! Damn, he may not even recognise me, let alone remember our convo. I continued working out on the machine, pretending not to notice him, glancing out of the corner of my eye every few seconds to see what he was doing. I wanted to alert Janet to the new wonder at the gym, but she had moved to a machine at the far end. Suddenly he stepped away from the weights, leaving it to the skinny underfed young white boy waiting and briskly started to walk towards the empty machines beside me, drying his sweat with his black towel. My eyes never left his sight as I secretly watched him through the mirror, hoping that he would come my way. I quickly turned, hoping that he didn’t notice me staring. He stopped at the empty machine beside mine, failing to notice me while he preceded his work out, placing his water in the holder. Slowly he worked up his pace.
There came the glance, followed by a double take. Finally.
“Hey! I know you from somewhere, don’t I?” He questioned, with his brow forming a confused state.
“Erm, I don’t know. You do look kind of familiar” Yes I well and truly knew who he was, I just did not want to act like I was desperate out here, like he has been on my mind ever since we met. So I continued to play the guessing game for the next few minutes until he finally remembered where he knew me from.
“That’s it. You were down at the Velvet Café the other week. Yeah, with a group of other beautiful women”
“Yes, I was…Oh yeah! You’re… the musician” I said convincingly.
“Yeah. Funny to see you here. It must be fate!”
“Wow. It must be. What are the odds of this?” I said flirtatiously. “How have you been anyway?”
“I've been okay. And yourself?”
“Well, I’ve been good. I can’t really complain” I was trying to act casual while pretending to concentrate on my workout and look sexy at the same time.
“You work out here a lot?”
“Yeah, I’m a regular here. Work out like three times per week. Surprised I haven’t noticed you here before.” I queried.
“Well I’ve been so busy lately. I haven’t really had time to attend the gym. But today I decided I must make the time”.
“Good thing you did or I may not have had the pleasure of seeing you again”
Wow, I can’t believe Kamarni was here, at my gym! He was sure wearing the hell out of that tight white cotton vest. Like heck he hasn’t been to the gym in ages. His body sure shows otherwise, it was so toned and defined. I released a breath, he looked like he did at least five hundred press ups a day!
I slowed down my machine. “So how’s your music going? Have you performed anywhere recently?”
“Yeah. I have this regular spot down at Marshals on a Tuesday night, that’s pretty good. I'm getting a lot of feedback from that”
“So you’re a big star then. The ladies must surely love you”
“Nah. Not really. I just go and do my thing. I'm not interested in the groupies. I'm too old for that now. I just play because I love it. I love the feeling it gives to other people. You know!”
If only he knew what kind of feelings it had evoked in me that night and how I could listen to him all night long! “That’s good. You know, you’ve got some really good talent. You can go really far. So have you got a recording contract?”
“Nah, not really. Don’t really like the idea. I just like doing the little small things, you know. You get a recording contract, and they want to change you. They want to change your style and mould you into something commercial. I'm not really down for something like that!”
“I understand, a lot of musicians lose their roots when they go commercial”
We had a connection; I could feel it pulling from my body as we spoke. He was so sexy. I watched his lips as he told me about his inspiration for writing. Damn, he licked his lips just like Morris Chestnut. I loved talking with this man; he made me feel so relaxed, yet shy. Here we were working out together, talking like it was meant to be today. After a further ten minutes passed my body was becoming hot and my heart rate increasing, causing me to take frequent sips on my water. I don’t know if it was the exercise or being next to Kamarni which was making me so hot. He was running like he was a pro at it. I could tell he had a lot of stamina and endurance!
I caught myself staring at him in the mirror, looking too intensely at his body as he ran, his muscles in his arm flexing with every stride, his firm chest standing to attention with every pace. Wow! My observation was interrupted…
“Here you are girl”
“Hey Janet. Look who is here. You remember Kamarni don’t you? From the Velvet Café the other week?”
“Yes I do. How are you?” She asked inquisitively, wearing her white towel around her neck.
“I'm… fine thanks… just trying to… keep fit and burn some calories”
“Well from here it doesn’t look as though you should have such a hard time” Responded Janet.
We all laughed. I watched on as Janet secretly looked him up and down, discretely checking out his every asset under his lose tracksuit bottoms and tight white vest. And why not, he was one good looking man! She must have sensed that she was spoiling my vibes, deciding to retreat to the abs machine. Kamarni slowly reduced the pace of his machine, until it finally stopped. He reached to the drink holder and took a long sip of his Evian Water. How I wished that I were that bottle right now. I watched the condensation from the melted ice drip down his right arm, slowly running and enchantingly teasing me.
“I love the feeling after a long… hard workout. How about you?”
His emphasised words uttered passion and sensuality. I could hear the seduction in his tone, reading the innuendos between his words. Yes I would love to have a personal work out with you too!
“Yeah. It makes me feel so relaxed, you know… I’m able to let myself go and pay attention to the areas which haven’t been worked on for a while”
“Yeah. I hear that! So… Keshia…”
He remembered my name!
“Tell me more about yourself, what do you do for a living?”
We walked over to the benches like two old friends reminiscing as I began to explain. “Well I work for a company called ‘Urban solutions’ where I help to arrange fundraising events for under privileged and socially excluded youths”
“Sounds interesting”
“Yeah it is. I enjoy it. You know, giving something back to the youths”
He shook his head in agreement. “I hear that. They need some guidance out here”
“What about yourself, what else do you do for a living besides playing music to please others?”
“Well I am actually career hoping at the moment. By day I am a delivery driver, used to be a market researcher but got bored so here I am”
“You know. I'm actually working on this next project of mine. Called the ‘Big Brother sponsorship’ and you would make a great mentor for one of our young black boys”. Bingo! This was a way for me to slyly get his number. Please say yes. Please say yes!
He laughed before answering my question.
“You know, you’re good. I can see that you must be a prized possession for your company”
“Well, you know how it is. Come on you would be good at it. You will only need to spend a few hours per week with one of our boys. Let him see what it is like to have drive and ambition, to be somebody other than a drug dealer or a gun wielding rapper”
“Okay. As you put it like that. Sure. I will sign up”
“Great. I will get your number from you before you leave”
Yes. I had done it. I had successfully coached Kamarni into giving me his number. Well it wasn’t actually all lies. I was actually planning on doing a mentoring programme, but the project had not yet been approved by senior management. But it will be. Definitely now!

We continued to sit and talk on the exercise bikes, sharing small parts of our lives with one another as the rest of the sweaty gym worked out we laughed. We joked. We even doubled up as gym partners on the weights. I stood over his mahogany shimmering body encouraging him to do five more lifts of the 135kg weights. While he continued his sets I scanned the gym looking for Janet, conscious that I had been basically ignoring her for my own selfish reasons. I noticed her over in the corner talking to one of the other female regulars we normally see in here. Debbie was her name. She was a charcoal coloured completion with a long pointy nose, which reminded me of my French teacher at school. Man, she was funny. She was wearing leopard print leggings and a tight black vest with her huge titties struggling not to jump out and say hello. I don’t know how she can even think to attend the gym looking like that. What kind of workout can she actually do in that get up! You have to laugh!
Kamarni, finished his last set and suggested that we go to the sauna. How would I cope in a hot steamy room with this man, controlling the tigress within, stopping her from leaping out at him! I need to bring Janet along. Yes she would be my restraint. He followed as we went over to get her, walking past the used gym equipment and towards the workout mats before spotting Janet doing squats with Debbie.
“Jay, you ready to go in the Sauna?”
“Hey Keshia girl. Who is this fine brotha?” Debbie said in her loud fake American accent.
Wow she was quick on the mark. Her eyes were all over ‘My’ Kamarni.
“Well this is my friend Kamarni. Kamarni meet Debbie”
They shook hands. Debbie holding on as long as she could, caressing his soft firm hands. Okay bitch let go! I was being all territorial towards something which was not even mine yet! Calm down Kesh!
She finally released her grip and let his hand slide out of her palm. Before Janet could answer Debbie jumped in and invited herself to the sauna with us. I looked at Janet, who looked back at me, then we both looked at Kamarni quickly. He had this puzzled expression on his face, like he had just seen the Prime Minister pumping weights. He clearly did not understand why we were hesitant about Debbie coming into the sauna with us. But he soon found out…
Janet grabbed her cotton towel, while Debbie picked up her water bottle desperately trying to seduce Kamarni’s body with her large watermelons. I shot her a look, which stated ‘don’t even think about it’. I could see what she was thinking and what she was planning was not in my game plan.
We all walked through the air conditioned corridor, past the swimming pool which was filled with swimmers performing various techniques in the warm, chlorine filled water. As we were walking Kamarni gestured with his head to two young guys casually walking through the complex. Debbie recognised the tall mixed race one sporting an old school high top. He looked like a washed out wannabe player. She exchanged a brief hello with him as he undressed her with his eyes which wasn’t hard considering that she hardly had on any clothes. Err!
We stopped at the changing room to strip off into our swimsuits. Debbie of course changed into the skimpiest zebra print swimsuit. She loved to show her best assets to the fullest. Her breast were double F’s, all natural which she constantly reminded us of every time we saw her. I changed into a simple black swimsuit which was low cut at the front. Nothing special. I looked in the mirror quickly, conscious that my flesh would be on display to the sexy musician. Good no visible marks. Only the sight of my footprint tattoos on my right ankle. Janet wore an army green tankini, with her hair tied up in a towelled head wrap. Finally ready we walked out into the open, holding our towels, ready to go and steam all our aches and stresses away.
We reached the sauna and Kamarni was waiting outside. Damn… all three of us stopped in ore. I had to lick my lips. He had on blue Addidas shorts exposing his bare chest which was even better than I visioned. Where had this Black Pharaoh come from, he was beyond what I had ever imagined. He had a perfect toned complexion, not a blemish in sight. I had a thing for tattoos and he had a few, I looked on admiring his upper left breast with a Lion scratching out his claw. Following his sexiness I saw another one on his upper left arm of a Crucifix and the words- ‘Only God can judge me’, decorating his right upper arm was Chinese writing. His muscles bulged making the tattoos appear larger. Breathe.

He held open the heavy steamed glass door for us to enter. Thankfully it was not too packed, only two other ladies filled the room. They both looked like they were in a world of their own, minding their own business taking advantage of the steam, heat and blissful silence. The lady lying on the top deck was in her early 20’s, reading the latest copy of Essence magazine. She was showing off her assets wearing a pink and white striped bikini. With her perfectly toned flat stomach on display, complimenting her cubic zirconia silver belly piercing. I caught Kamarni glancing over at her but quickly retreating remembering he had company. The other woman was older; her head was invaded by grey hair which was placed in a bun at the top of her head. Janet and I both had to laugh as she had her flowery towel wrapped around her, with a plastic steam cap on her head. She did not care about her presentation. Even in the company of a fine brotha like Kamarni. Why should she, she was sporting a very heavy diamond cut ring on her wedding finger. Only the three of us looked like desperate potential girlfriends, admiring Gods finest creation. Even the young girl had to look twice and push out her chest a little further, hoping to draw some attention. She looked as though she was used to receiving daily compliments. We occupied seats on the nearest benches we could find, Debbie rushing past me to grab a seat near to Kamarni. This was like a fight for the last snatch of Zebra in an African Jungle. She was out to capture my prey. Janet and I shared a glance and shook our heads. We took our towels and placed them on our space on the wooden benches, lying down on them casually. Debbie got up and poured more water on the hot stones which occupied the left corner of the medium wooden based room. Hot steam rose instantly. She sat back down, complimenting Kamarni’s physique trying desperately for a compliment in return. Ignoring her desperations we passed time discussing the latest song by R. Kelly and the sexual accusations he was facing. Debbie was all in Kamarni’s face and you could see that he felt uncomfortable. The young girl got up and left the room, unsatisfied that she did not get any formal recognition. Kamarni took his cue and rose up, adjusting his composure he walked over to the corner of the room and relocated himself beside me, changing the conversation swiftly.
Being all hot and sweaty next to Kamarni was heavenly. Although we were not in the type of situation I would have liked us to be in, it was nice. I wanted this man. He was intriguing and sexy. I wanted to know more. We all sat there for the next ten minutes laughing and joking. He had a wicked sense of humour. Everyone was laughing, even the older lady was engrossed in our conversation and was laughing along with us.
Time had passed and Janet made the first move to get up and out. The heat was becoming unbearable. So we all took that as our cue and decided to finally exit as the room became occupied with a few other members.
Once outside the sauna, we said our goodbyes knowing that the time we had shared had come to an end. We would all go and shower, change and return back to our lives outside of the gym. Back to normality. As we stood outside of the sauna I was subconsciously waiting on Kamarni to make the first move. He looked at me, discreetly giving me the once up and down while doing his Morris Chestnut impression. Yes, this was my moment. I felt the mutual attraction. The sparks which flew between us. Janet and Debbie had already retuned to the lockers. It was just the two of us in the corridor. He lent forward, I could feel his warm breath touch my cheek and he whispered in my ear…
“So how are we going to do this then?”
My heart stopped. Was he offering me an indecent proposal, here in the gym or was I imagining it. Reading too much into his words? “Do what?” I stuttered, feeling all flustered.
“How are you going to get my number? You’re going to have to wait for me to get changed”
“Oh…yeah… I nearly forgot, my mind was else where.” Somewhere wrapped up in silk sheets with you! “Meet me by the front desk after you change”
“Sure”
I watched as he walked off into the men’s changing area. I can’t get over how sexy he was. Where has he been all my life! Why didn’t I meet him before I met Bobby!

Twenty minutes later and I was waiting outside at the front desk. I had to give Janet a quick briefing why we were waiting for Kamarni and as expected she gave me the first degree, trying to plug me for more information. I told her how it was. He was helping me with my latest project and wanted to be a mentor for the youths. Of course she didn’t believe that was my main motive. Janet could read me like a book sometimes. She knew that I was gaming for Kamarni and knew that I was looking him and looking him hard! She turned and looked at me seriously, warning me that I should be careful, before it ended in tears. Please! It wont, well at least it will not be me shedding the tears.
Kamarni came walking out of the distance and through the barriers. He had put on dark denim jeans and a stone coloured Timberland jumper, his platinum chain hanging down his chest complementing a custom made diamond studded guitar pendant. He walked up to us with a smile on his face, apologising for keeping us waiting, explaining that one of the guys were talking to him about training together which he dismissed.
He looked at his Armarni watch and moved his bag on his right shoulder a little higher. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, placed it in my hand and then made a very impressive attempt at the seductive biting of the lip. He looked dead into my eye, ensuring that our gaze was engaged and spoke to me with the softest sound of an Angel.
“Make sure you call me… Right sorry but I’ve got to rush. You ladies drive safe, and take care of yourselves. We should do it again sometime.”
Yes we should and sooner than later, I thought! We exchanged kisses on the cheek and quick goodbyes before he rushed out of the gym leaving me and Janet conferring to ourselves. We picked our bags off the floor, said goodbye to the reception staff and walked out the automatic doors to the car. As we began to walk I caught a glimpse of Kamarni driving out of the parking lot in a black Volkswagen Golf. As he saw me, he slanted his head and gave me a wink as he sped by. Janet turned and looked at me suspiciously.
“Okay. Now give me the real low-down”
She looked at me with her intrigued brown eyes, ready to hear what I had planned for Kamarni. I wanted to tell her but there was nothing much really to say at this moment. I mean all we did was have a little work out together. Yeah I got his number, but that was on a business basis not yet pleasure!

While we drove to Janet’s, I explained the attraction which I had towards Kamarni. The sparks which I felt and the sexual tension which was obvious as we worked out together.
“Wow. Kesh you are such trouble. I must admit he is one fine brother, but you got Bobby. I thought you two were working things out?”
“Yeah we are. But Jay, it just doesn’t feel right anymore. I mean I know he’s still doing the same shit. Still talking with that bitch Shanny, and believe me I am not NO fool!”
“Yeah, but Kesh two wrongs don’t make a right. Think about it first”
“I have. Look nothing is going to happen. I've just got mad lust for Kamarni, like every other woman with eyes. Come on, he is so sexy. You can’t blame me”
“Yeah I can’t blame you. But just be careful. Don’t get yourself into anything you can’t easily get out of”
Here she goes with her ‘better than thou’ reasoning. I'm a grown woman. I've got to keep my options open.

I dropped Janet off at her house and gave her an excuse for not coming in for a drink. I had enough of her talking me out of Kamarni. As she climbed out the car and shut the door behind her, I reached into my pocket and took out the piece of newspaper Kamarni had written his number on. I looked at it, smiled to myself and then put the number back into my tracksuit pocket, patting it to ensure its safety and proud of myself that I had managed to obtain it. I gathered my thoughts, pushed my foot down on the clutch, slipped into first gear and drove off home.

Chapter Fourteen- Leyah

2009-11-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

“Thanks for the lovely flowers, you really didn’t have to”
“So when you going to let me take you out, princess?”
I held the phone, rolling my eyes as he spoke. I could not believe this man was hounding me like this. He would not take no for an answer! Does he think that he can send me flowers and I will jump to his every demand!

Brian was a nice person to talk to, we were able to discuss everything from music to politics. Only problem was that he was not a very good looking man. No actually I won’t say that, but he was not ‘my’ type. He wanted to be with me, and he wanted to be with me bad. When we had conversations he would always mention his desire to have children, and how he would be a good father, and step father to my daughter. Wow, now that kind of talk freaked me out, he was going too far! He just would not take the subtle let downs to show him that I was not interested. Just because I have one child already he thought that maybe I was some kind of baby making machine, that I should be happy to roll over and have another one! Well I had some news for him; Not only am I not interested in him, I am not interested in having any more children for now either. I mean I'm just getting my body back, and it has not been easy.
Dating was kind of hard for me, because I haven’t really been with anyone since my trauma with Reese. He really traumatised me for life! I can’t trust another man, well I find it very hard to trust any man. I gave my everything to Reese, and he just took my heart, chewed it up, spat on it and then stepped all over it again! I don’t really want any man at the moment anyway! I'm fine by myself. I’ve got Asia to concentrate on.
My friends don’t understand my philosophy to survival without a man. Don’t get me wrong I have urges, I’m only human. But I haven’t slept with anyone in the past year! I’ve been utilising the platinum rabbit that Keshia bought me for my birthday.

I was seeing this guy briefly; Ricky who worked on the floor above me. He was 5’6, caramel complexion and funny. We got along well, and would meet up frequently for lunch. After a few months we started seeing each other. I wasn’t really interested in anything long term, so we had an ‘understanding’ where I would go around his house for a ‘fix’ when I needed it, and we were free to date other people. It only lasted about four months, which was because he met somebody else, somebody who wanted more. I wasn’t upset about it, because at that time I didn’t want to be in a committed relationship, where I left myself open to be hurt. So good luck to him! I still talk to him now, and he is happy. He’s engaged and living in Slough with his woman. His relationship is all a big lie if you ask me, because he is still phoning me asking to come round, and I know what he meant by ‘come round’. He wanted to come and ravish my body, make me hot and wet. It was tempting sometimes as he was able to fix my needs, but I always reminded him of his current relationship status. How dare he! How can he be putting such things on me, knowing that he has a fiancée who he shares a bed with every night! That is exactly one of the reasons why I am not in any hurry to be in a relationship. Your man could come home every night, but still be playing out there. Living together does not mean anything; there is no guarantee to a monogamous relationship anymore. Men are all the same!

I glimpsed in the mirror as I continued to moisturize the cream into my silky skin, making sure that every spot was covered. Tonight I was going on a date with Lucas. He was this guy who I met while I was shopping at Tesco last month. I could feel him staring at me as I walked through the isles, then eventually we ended up in the same queue. When I turned and looked at him he plucked up the courage to ask me my name, trying to be discrete. I did not want to tell him, but I didn’t want to embarrass him or myself in the busy supermarket that afternoon, and I must admit he initially came across smooth so I told him. A short conversation pursued whist the middle aged Asian shop assistant rang up my items and I paid. As I continued to pack my shopping, he felt more confident and bold and asked me for my number. At first I pretended like I didn’t hear him, then he stepped closer and repeated it. I had to kindly let him down, which did not deter him as he offered me his business card.
I had kept the card with his number in my bag for two weeks. But after I mentioned it to the girls, they insisted that I called him and now here I am, about to embark on our first date. I don’t even know why I am actually bothering. He did appear to be a nice guy thou. He had gone out of his way in every conversation to try and prove to me that he was not one of those useless guys, telling me that he was currently trying to set up his own business. I don’t know what in because I haven’t really taken too much interest and his business card only provided his name and number. I’m only going out with him because Keshia and Janet keep on telling me that I need to get out more, how I need to give men a chance. But to be honest it is a waste of time. They are all just full of shit! They spit a load of lyrics which is in a manual or something and then get what they want and disappear back to their woman at home waiting!
I stopped and thought about the situation, having spoken to Lucas on the phone over the past few weeks he seemed to be nice, polite, ambitious, comical and sweet. But that’s how they trap you! You fall for them before you get to know the ‘real’ them. The man underneath all the persona, only to find out that he is a fake! Everything was a lie! But this time I am going to try, I'm not going to take my old baggage on my new journey. I’m going to give Lucas a chance to prove me wrong. To prove that not all men are the same. They are not all lying, scandaless, cheating, deceiving dogs, but there are the very small percentage that are honest, trustworthy, dedicated, and loving. I'm yet to be convinced!

I had driven the short journey through the traffic to drop Asia to my mothers earlier. I couldn’t let Reese look after her, because that would have just been too much headache. He would of asked me a series of questions; not that I have to answer to him or hide anything from him, but I just did not want him snooping around for the next few weeks trying to see who the mystery man is, so I felt it was best to drop her to mums. She could keep her company for the night, and mum was always happy to have her grand-daughter around, keeping her entertained.

As the time passed on I stood in my mirror ensuring that my dress was hugging in all the right places. Tonight I was wearing the hell out of my black low cut dress, which rested just below my knees. I looked through my messy jewellery box and decided to dress it up with some gold accessories. As I untangled my chain, I spotted the Channel earrings which Reese had bought me one Valentines Day. Remembering the time I closed my eyes and smiled, deciding that they would be perfect for tonight. I stretched my arms under my bed and found the shoe box for my gold strappy shoes. I retouched my hair, which I had let down, as I normally wore my black and blonde twists up in a pony. This style gave me a wild mysterious look, which complimented my minimal make-up. I wasn’t really into making an effort anymore, but I still wanted to be desirable, I wanted to let the men know out there what they were actually missing with all their ‘player’ antics.

It was now seven thirty, and the night was getting a little chilly. Lucas was due any minute; I quickly sprayed myself with Channel- Chance perfume and waited patiently downstairs.
Ten minutes later there was a knock at my door and I went to answer it. I exposed Lucas who was standing there looking simple but smart, wearing a blue V- neck jumper with some black jeans. Okay, I thought, not bad, but he could have made more of an effort. This must be the subtle look which he was trying to pull off, the look which said ‘I’m laid back and don’t really put a lot of effort into women, because I get them a dime a dozen!’ Look at me analysing his appearance, that one year course in Psychology is to blame. I stood back and watched him admire me, commenting that I looked beautiful, like a fallen angel. This looks like it is going to be a long night!

When I stepped outside my eyes eagerly looked for the car he was driving; a black Audi TT, with a private plate which read SP33DY. Well that says a lot about him! I just know he does not think that he is going to get an easy ride with me! He looked like a typical undercover sweet boy. I wonder how many women he is actually sleeping with at the moment, thinking that it is okay, because they are not ‘exclusive’, that he has not told any of them that they are ‘together’! Well I am not going to be an addition to the countless hopeless women who he has fooled!

He drove at pace to Fulham Broadway, the smooth twin turbo engine growling ferociously. Now I was definitely convinced he was a ‘ladies man’, his vehicle really said it all and the slow jams which he played the whole journey was defiantly the give away.
Eventually we arrived, finding a place to park we walked close together towards the Pink Hummingbird restaurant. He had booked us a lovely table, which had full view of the exotic fishes swimming in the huge fish tank positioned in the wall as a partition.
We sat down and the waiter handed us our menus. I thanked him and opened up the interesting gold menu. My stomach was quietly growling, I just hope that their food tastes as good as the restaurant looks.
“So tell me more about yourself Leyah. All I know about you is that you’re a very beautiful woman, and I don’t understand why someone has not scooped you up already. What’s your flaw then?”
“My flaw, why has it always got to be the woman’s fault! Why do we have to be the ones with the flaws!” I answered slightly irritated as I peered over my menu.
“Okay. Well tell me why you’re still single. Not that it’s a bad thing, it is actually a good thing, especially for me!”
“Well… No I don’t have any flaws for your information! And I’m single because there is a lack of decent men out there. And I have not met anyone worthy to be with me as yet”
“Oh wow, so you are telling me that I am not a decent man then?”
“No, I’m not saying that. I hardly know you. But I have not met any as yet. Well any that are single anyway!”
He stretched out his hand for me to shake. “Well hello Leyah, nice to meet you I’m Mr Decent Single Man!”
We both laughed. He had a habit of constantly looking directly into my eyes when he spoke, trying desperately to seduce me with his words. But I was not falling for his charm, I was immune.

We fell into a debate while we ate, about what constitutes a ‘decent man’ and a dispute followed as I tried to get my point across. I must admit he was funny. He made a joke about all the flaws, which I brought up in men, and found an excuse for almost every trick a man uses in the beginning to hide the fact that they are in a relationship. I don’t know what it was but he kind of intrigued me, but in contradiction to that his responses where making warning lights go off in my head. How could someone understand and interpret such behaviour and make it appear to be alright, that their actions are justified yet not practice that behaviour themselves? He must be like the rest of them!

We finished up our meal, which I thoroughly enjoyed as it definitely lived up to expectations. I looked around admiring the happy diners, as Lucas paid the bill. Soon after we left and strolled back to his car discussing the things which we found irritating in the opposite sex, laughing at some of the things we brought up; such as un-manicured feet, dirty fingernails, body odour and hairy armpits. I observed that he had a thing about women being ‘well kept’. His ideal for a woman was for her to spend her weekend getting beautiful for her man, making sure that her hair and nails were immaculate. That was definitely not me!
The night was warm and still as we almost neared his car, which was now three cars ahead. Just as this old white lady walked past us with her walking stick, Lucas turned and told me that he had a surprise for me. As I queried what it was, still questioning in my head why that old lady was out this time of night on her own. He hushed my thoughts, telling me that he was going to take me there now. I was a bit sceptical about going with him, he was taking me somewhere which could be in the middle of no where and could possible do anything to me! But my instincts said, ‘what the heck’. Plus I had carried my can of mace in my handbag, which was provided by my self-defence class I attended a few months back.

As he drove through the dark streets, I discreetly looked at him, looking at his every imperfection and trying to analyse him. Lucas was a good-looking man, fair skin which I figured may be the result of his part Hispanic genes he talked about. He was about 5’6, he could have done with being a lot taller, but he had the personality which made up for it. He wasn’t really my type, but what was? Reese?!

After driving at speed for twenty five minutes we arrived the destination somewhere in Greenwich. He parked up near some newly built apartments over looking the river, in visual proximity of the O2 arena. I looked on taking in the amazing view. I hope he was not taking me to his house, or a hotel, because I certainly do not get down on the first date!
I rolled my eyes as he got out and opened the heavy door for me, telling me that he wanted to take me somewhere beautiful to show me just how beautiful I was in comparison. I tried to hide my response as I blushed at his cheesy line. Catching me by surprise he slipped his hands into mine, and led me down the pathway along the riverbank. I didn’t pull away as I thought to myself, ‘its not going to hurt, just enjoy the night!’ Listening to my conscience I let him hold my palm, as we strolled hand in hand admiring the lovely view of the moon reflecting on the water and the stars gleaming in the dark. It had been a long time since I had actually admired the stars. The weather was perfect, only a small summer breeze blew on the still waters and a few midnight clouds dressed the sky. I couldn’t believe that I was actually enjoying myself. I was out here on a date, doing something different.
We strolled for about an hour, not worrying about the time. Just walking and enjoying each other’s company, while he made me laugh.
Okay, so maybe I was wrong about the majority of men, but I could not let this one night change my whole perspective and opinion of men. It was only our first date, and this type of behaviour was expected.

We neared the car, and Lucas stopped and pulled my hand to turn me around to face him.
“Leyah, thank you for such a wonderful night. You’re a really interesting woman, and I like that”
“You’re not too bad yourself” I replied, conscious of the awkward situation arising.
“Well I hope we can do this again sometime, maybe I can take you to another one of my favourite spots. There’s this really nice restaurant on a boat in Docklands, that you would love”
“Sounds nice”
I know he better not be expecting a kiss! I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he wanted to make a move, slowly edging himself closer. So before he could attempt to lean forward and lock with my lips, I reached out my hand and opened the car door hastily getting inside, while he stood for a few seconds in disbelief at how he lost the power in the situation.

While he was driving me back home, he had this grin on his face, which made me feel like he felt he had achieved something here tonight. Like he had broken down my defences. But I knew the games men play all to well.

He turned into my street and smoothly parked into a nearby space outside my house, careful not to scratch his 20inch alloys. We both looked out the slightly tinted windows and watched a drunken man stagger down the road almost walking into a set of bins along his way.
“So Leyah. You want to do this again next Saturday?” He questioned, turning down the mellow sounds of D’Angelo playing on the car stereo.
“I don’t think I can. I believe I’ve got something on next week”
“Oh okay, well what about Friday?”
“No, Fridays not a good day for me either. But I will phone you and let you know”
“Okay. Make sure you do. I will be waiting for your call. Look after yourself beautiful”
Now even though I am not doing anything next weekend, I can’t let him know this. I have to act less available, let him stew for a while. Keep him wanting more. Then I will see how interested he actually is. If you’re too available the man knows that he can get you locked in a minute, because you have no other potentials and a lot of free time on your hands which he can fill and then when it is time for him to move on, you’re left depressed and lonely trying to forget all the memories you built together. No way, not me! I have already made that mistake in my life and I am not about to do it again!
I was about to open the car door to exit, when I turned and thanked him for the lovely evening and descended. As I put one foot out he looked at me as if I was doing something wrong, like he expected more. I kindly ignored his look and got out the car, taking my keys out my bag as I started walking up the path and to my front door. I turned around and gave him a quick wave as I reached my doorstep and unlocked the lock. I shut the door behind me, looking through the peephole I noticed that Lucas was still outside. I know he could have never been waiting for me to invite him in for a ‘cup of coffee’. Please! Why do men think that they can expect to come in after taking a lady out, like we are supposed to owe them something! Show them gratitude for the evening! Oh please! I'm fed up of men thinking this. I don’t owe him anything, and he surely was not coming into my abode after one date!
He finally drove away, roaring his engine down the street. I turned and sluggishly walked towards my bedroom to undress and get ready for my bed. It was only ten past midnight, but I was feeling tired. I must admit, I had a nice night. Maybe, just maybe I will give him a call next week.

Update from the author

2009-11-19T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

First I would like to thank you all for taking the time out to read my novel.
I just want to update you and apologise for taking so long to make more posts. This is due to me trying to finalise the particulars for the paperback version! Yes you heard me correctly! My book will be published in paperback in the New Year and should hit the stores late January 2010 or February 2010!

Please do go out and purchase a copy and even buy a copy for your mum and best friend.

I will keep you updated, as I am currently trying to decide on the front cover!

Enjoy

Cassandra M Porter
X

Chapter Twelve- Keshia

2009-11-02T12:40:00.001-08:00

My eyes were glued in amazement. I slowly licked my glossed lips while taking in everything about him. He was about 6’2, dark toned with small well kept locks. This man had it all. He was dressed in a kaki short sleeved top emphasising his well toned torso, with matching combats clinging onto his big manly thighs sitting directly in my visual proximity, on the highlighted stage by the staircase, playing his guitar with his sexy manly fingers. The whole audience was captured by his sweet sensual sound. It was like the sound of a sweet humming bird coming from the tropical breeze. It was totally phenomenal; it was sensual, the notes he played rushed through my body like a burning pulse. I looked on mesmerised, stuck in a trance. How did he make it feel so real? He appeared not to be making any effort at all as his lips sang the passionate words of lust.
I blinked out of my thoughts. I had made up my mind, as soon as he finishes his set, I’m going to have to say something to him, tell him how his music made me feel!

Janet, Leyah and myself had one of the best tables in the house. We had waited six weeks to reserve a table here at the Velvet Café, this was the place to be at the moment, it was the place for raw, sensational unsigned talent. You would see an array of people performing from poets to comedians in the warm welcoming atmosphere. There venue was decorated with huge dark violet velvet drapes with and scarlet candles complementing the large round tables which were plotted carefully on the main floor opening up the small stage at the front. I looked around and admired the large portraits of various abstracts and city landscapes. The Velvet Café served the most delicious colourful cocktails all presented with perfection, what made it even more unique was the exotic food menu offering a vast selection of meals while you enjoyed the show.
We all looked stunning tonight, wearing various simple but snazzy outfits. Making a statement that we were not desperate for a man to come and take care of us, but could handle our own. It was ladies night out for us, a time to catch up on gossip and give out advice that we would not actually follow ourselves, but it was all part of being a good friend. The night also gave rise to scouting the eye candy, seeking the singles, which were still out on the shelf. I mean we were all practically single. Well apart from myself, but I still had to hook up a plan B. An alternative. I had to line up a friend in waiting because with Bobby most times nothing he says is long lived.

The dimly lit venue was filled with an enormous encore, as the sexy musician finished his set. From the amount of applause he received, you could tell the crowd loved him even the men had to show their appreciation. As he stepped of the stage and into the arms of one of the organisers he was replaced with a less entertaining blonde female hippy looking singer, wearing a pleasantly gorgeous gipsy dress. My eyes desperately tried to follow where the sexy musician was headed as he walked off threw the tables, but the girls constantly interrupted my quest debating the problems with men, and the recent long list of admirers in Leyah’s life, which she ignored. I gave up and turned my concentration back to the conversation, making a mental note to take a trip to the ladies in ten minutes to find the musician.

We sat and enjoyed the sounds of a poet, strongly expressing the lyrics about Love and Pain, feeling every word he spoke intensely as he moved with the words. I looked around the overcrowded room, squinting my eyes through the dark, but there was no sign on the sexy musician.
Finally our platter of spicy Caribbean chicken dippers, and brandy soaked king prawns had arrived, delivered by the exhausted glamour puss waitress when I glimpsed the sexy musician walking through the nearby crowd. My natural instincts jumped out of me as we locked eyes, and I signalled him to come over to our table. I quickly reassessed my posture, trying to look casual and not desperate, whilst ensuring that my best assets were on full display. He looked over indecisively and then decided against ignoring my rudeness and began walking our way…
“Hi, do I know you?” He said exposing his sexy and powerful voice.
“No. Sorry” I said with a little embarrassment in my tone. “I just wanted to tell you that you were fantastic up there tonight, it was impressive. My name is Keshia and you are?”
“I’m Kamarni. Nice to meet you Keshia”
He took hold of my sweaty palm and gently gave it a shake, whilst I tried to linger onto his touch. Here I am talking with the sexy musician, and I’m flirting with him big time, fluttering my heavily mascara eyelashes confidently, picturing that tall torso wrapped around my body. I slowly let go of his hand, fighting back the hot flush that raced though my body remembering that we were not alone.
“Girls meet the star behind the soulful music, which stole my heart” I said with a slight emphasis in my tone, looking dead in his eyes.
“Wow your music was so beautiful”
“Where did you learn to play like that?”
“How long have you been playing?”
“Do you write your own music?”
He laughed. Yes we were all up in his grill. We managed to capture him before all the other hungry women in the club went for the sting. Every single woman in the room was checking out his every asset. Looking for the ring… and ‘yes’ the finger was bare.
Kamarni joined us at our table as I made room for him on the velvet booth, right next to me. His leg accidentally touched mine as he eased his body in. Exhale. We all sat speaking about his music, captured by his every word, listening attentively as he answered our Spanish inquisition. He was so fascinating and not to mention sexy. He spoke so many powerful things in the short time we experienced his presence, showing that he was passionate about his heritage and his love of music. The conversation was inspiring and uplifting for me. He had the ability to recite the appropriate quote to capture the moment, and add his own signature to it. His frame alone was enough to make your body shudder like you had just experienced the biggest organism ever. I wanted to hear more. I wanted to be consumed in this mans life.

“Well ladies, it was nice speaking to you all, but I have to go. You all enjoy the rest of your night and remember to stay blessed…”
That was it, the moment we shared was over, and he was rising to get up without even leaving a contact number.
“…See you around, sometime” He said with a seductive tone, looking directly at me as the words floated from his defined smooth lips. I could see the seduction in his eyes, through his words. In response I bit my lip seductively and gave him a look, which he knew said ‘I sure hope so’. And with that he left, walking through the crowd stopping to talk to the grungy Justin Timberlake lookalike.
“Oh my gosh, snap out of it. You don’t have to look so desperate Kesh” Leyah said with a sniggering tone snapping her long unpolished fingers at me, waking me out of my mesmerised state.
“Yeah, you are one horny lady. And you’re the one with the full time, resident man! Look at us two, we haven’t got anything and you got everything. We got dicks in jars…”
“Ummm hum, and batteries on standby” Leyah added.
“… And there you are being all greedy. Taking all the men, not leaving anything for us. Cor, you undressed him with your eyes a thousand times and exhaled so many times I lost count!”
We all laughed. It was true. I was not satisfied at home, or maybe in life. I was always subconsciously searching. Searching for something better, someone with more to offer, more love to give. I wasn’t even sure that if I found that man, I would be satisfied, but right now all I knew was that I was seeking Kamarni!
“Look Janet, you can talk. Come on, Marcus is back in town and he is the finest brotha EVER, and you just let him slip out your hands again and again!” I preached. “He is one fine chocolate brotha and you need to go and grab your man. Heck I’m jealous I didn’t meet him first, and here you are playing with him!”
“Yep, Kesh has got a point there Jay!” Leyah said in agreement.
Janet immediately rose to her defence. “Look, it just isn’t that simple”
“What! Look if you don’t take risks in life, where would we all be?… In this small safety bubble, scared of making a mistake. Well life is about making mistakes, falling over and getting up and trying again. Stop taking the safer option, it is not always the right one. You will regret it when your old and grey, pondering on what if’s!”
Listen to me, the big relationship philosopher. I had this habit of dishing out good advice for others but not for myself. But I’m a risk taker, I don’t waste time. I react to the moments, not leave them in the air. You haven’t lived until you have taken numerous risks.
“Marcus already has a woman! And anyway any possibility of us being an item is out the window because he told me some shocking news the other night when we went out for a drink”
“Oh my gosh! What was it? He’s not gay is he?” Leyah joked.
We all laughed, but I could tell that this moment of laughter was overcome by a sense of sadness in Janet’s heart. Her eyes always told the truth, and the truth was something she did not want it to be.
“Girls” She took a deep sigh. “… Marcus is engaged, and to top that he is also expecting a baby!”
We both gasped in disbelief. My mind quickly comprehending what she just disclosed.
“What! I can’t believe it. Marcus, getting married! How? When? Why? and with who?” The shocked words rolled from my mouth. I knew it was bad news but I would have never guessed it was as devastating as this. And here I was earlier all self consumed with the sexy musician.
“You know that bloody woman, I told you about that he was flexing with!”
“Oh, not the Personal assistant?” I said scornfully, turning up my nose hoping it was not her.
“Yeah, her! Well she has trapped him, she’s pregnant, and now he feels obliged to marry her. I just can’t believe my Marcus is marrying her. I mean she is such a chicken head. She has nothing but her looks. Marcus has told me things about her from the start. He would have never made her his wife on his own accord. Not to say he isn’t a good guy, because he is…. I know she just wanted to trap him… how could he let himself get trapped like this…” She buried her hands in her head, forcing the tears not to ruin her mascara.
Janet, was really upset despite her breaking down she was talking one hundred miles per hour.
“Look Jay don’t worry about it, it won’t last, he does not love her. I'm sure even she knows that” Leyah said trying to sound comforting while I pulled out a Kleenex from my bag.
“Babes, that woman is dread. Marcus is your man! It’s supposed to be you and him. How did this happen?... Don’t worry about it. Let me get another round of drinks, we need it”

We continued to talk for the next two hours while getting through three more cocktail jugs, trying to comfort Janet. This was bad news! Marcus was one of the most eligible bachelors we knew. Him and Janet were perfect for each other. Since we were in College they had this weird relationship, they were always close. I remember, they looked so sweet together, they complimented each other fluently. Because of their chemistry all the girls in college used to hate Janetand Marcus was such a hansom, lovable guy. If only Janet didn’t take so long to confront her feelings she had towards him, then this would not have happened. He was one of the most perfect men ever; he made me believe that there are actually some good men out in the world.

The bar was still lively when I looked down at my watch noticing the time which had gone so quick. It was now after two o’clock. I enlightened the girls with the time, and we up deciding it was time to make our way home to our separate destinations. I watched the remainder of the crowd sip on their alcoholic beverages, and my mind drifted towards all the happy couples that were in the bar, holding hands, whispering sweet words in their woman’s ears, and touching their partner delicately but enough to declare that they loved them. Love was a beautiful thing, but one feeling which did not knock on our doors very often. We just happened to be the three unluckiest beautiful and successful women on this side of town, who I must add seemed to attract the most useless, un-committing men. When was it going to be one of our turns to be happy, to be the ones getting proposed to by a ‘decent’ man, and have that overwhelming feeling that we have met the one and had decided to build a life together! The thoughts drifted through my mind, until I hastily snapped out of it as I felt Leyah hand me my Red Dior handbag.

We strolled slowly out of the venue and into the chilly deserted streets of Notting Hill, and hailed a taxi as it drove down the road looking for customers leaving the small wine bars and cocktail lounges. The driver needed to make three stops to drop each of us home, we were all too intoxicated to even attempt to drive. The alcohol was acting as a temporary amnesia drug, to help us forget about all the worries in our lives, all the things that we did not want to think about at this present time.
The taxi ride took us over Battersea Bridge, to the first drop off for Leyah in Streatham, then the short journey towards Thornton Heath to drop Janet off. As we pulled up to her house I could see the sadness in her face, the fact that she had to walk into an empty house. I remember that feeling, the notion of being alone, no one to tip toe into the house for in case you woke them up, no one to slip gently into the bed like a feather for just in case you disturbed their tender dreams. It was not a nice feeling, how I don’t miss it at all. But I understood how she was feeling, and to make it worst she was more than likely thinking about Marcus tucked up all snugly with that cow, holding her tightly in his strong muscular arms. I know those thoughts can hurt you like a knife wound to the back, but us women just cant stop thinking about such hurtful things, wishing that it wasn’t so, wishing that we were the ones being held at that moment.
Janet, slowly rose out the taxi, and we exchanged a brief goodbye, as I ordered her to rest her head, telling her that I will call her tomorrow. She murmured the same, before hurriedly walking towards her house, with her keys ready to push through the door. A chilly wind was blowing and the scattered leaves on the streets were dancing a circular motion as if they were reciting a short performance.
After watching Janet disappear into her house safely, the taxi drove off towards my destination through the quite deserted streets of South London. I sat there in the back of the cab thinking about going home, thinking about how I actually felt about Bobby, how I felt about the relationship. Did I actually love him, or was I afraid to be alone! I must love him to put up with all this drama, but in contrast if I did I wouldn’t be flirting all the time with other men. I would be satisfied with him and him alone. But I’m not, I need more, but I’m not sure if I need it from him!

We arrived to my flat, and I paid the taxi driver the fare, which had totalled £54. I took my keys out of my bag as I closed the taxi door, allowing the driver to search for his next customer. The sound of my heels echoed on the pavement as I walked towards the communal door. As I arrived the wind blew across my face and made me shudder quickly, forcing me to take shelter. As I quickly shut the door behind me I climbed the stairs to my second floor flat, thinking about Kamarni and how he made me feel, briefly reliving the moment I stared in his eyes as he was playing and the gentle touch of his aloe vera hands, watching them move seductively over the strings, and his head move in rhythm to the sounds. I opened my eyes forcing myself to gather my thoughts together and get in this house. I quickly looked at my watch, it was now 3:45, I wonder if Bobby is even at home. Knowing him, he is out with his ‘boys’, oh well at least I don’t have to worry about being quiet, not that he does when he comes in late. I pushed the key into the door. Well here goes it…

Chapter Eleven- Leyah

2009-10-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

You know there is this period in your life that most women go through, where they meet the most perfect man. He is everything you have ever dreamed, he is hansom, sexy, stylish, sweet, and charming, your family loves him, he is attentive to your every need, he knows how to maintain a smile on your face and keep you feeling all warm inside. He is the perfect fit to you, and you look like a Hollywood couple together, he challenges you physically and mentally. Someone who finishes your sentences for you, without being intimidating, that special someone who makes your body tingle without even touching you, strictly on the basis of reminiscence. Every time you think about that person you can’t help but to smile, because he will never make you cry. The last person who you think about before you go to bed, and the first person who crosses your mind as soon as you wake. That special someone who is real, but sounds like a fairy tale. We all know that someone, we’ve had one or know someone who has experienced one.
Yeah, it’s a damn good feeling, and you hoped it would last forever, only problem is that he has a woman, and he is not yours, but you have developed such a bond that you cant help but think about what life would be like with him for the rest of your life. Come on he ticks all the boxes, it’s just that you did not meet him first and it hurts to even think about all the good loving he is giving his girl. Your heart aches at the thought of someone else holding your property, but he is not. He is not ‘officially’ yours, but in your own perfect, ideal world he would be.

Life can be strange at times, and you will meet someone who appears to be your soul mate, only to find that he has eloped with another.
That was Reese and me. He was everything I ever desired, everything I had pictured as a teen, you know at that age when you start planning how you want your life to be, and how your husband will be, your family. Only thing was that the penny dropped and hit the floor. Reality struck, and although I know he had strong feelings for me, his loyalties were already set. He was with her, she had scooped him up and locked him down. Fortunate for me to some extent the chain was not fully locked and I was able to slip in. Unaware of his situation of course, but in a way I don’t regret any of the moments we shared, even though it was all mainly based on a lie, a mirage, a piece of science fiction. I loved him, it’s just that the Bastard got me pregnant before I woke up and opened my eyes to what was beyond my belief.

I remember one particular time, where the moment was too perfect to be true. We were in hot and sunny Barbados, enjoying this lovely hotel we stayed at called ‘Sandbeach Castle’. Everything was like a fantasy, our hotel room was filled with flowers and candles, Reese had really gone all out for this trip. He paid for everything, and the surprises kept on coming.
One evening I returned from the hotel shopping mall, and I had just bought the sexiest two-piece swimsuit ever, it was white with gold trimmings and a gold belt along the top of the bikini knickers. It was so stunning; I could not leave it on the shelf! When I opened the door to our hotel room all I could hear is the soft sound of R. Kelly’s- ‘Seems like your ready’. Wow. Then I saw this tall, slender shadow in-between the smoke left by the candles walk towards me. He was wearing nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist, holding a flute of champagne in his left hand.
He slowly walked up to me and took the bag out of my hand, handed me the flute, then delicately kissed my forehead and without saying a word he ushered me into the bathroom. Once we entered the huge room he looked deep into my eyes and then proceeded to bend down gliding his hands down my legs before slipping off my sandals. He rose up and kissed my lips so seductively, at that point I had to say something or attempt to say something….
“Baby, what’s this all about?”
“Shhhh”
He silenced me and run his hands up my thighs to my waist and then up to my warm breast, he took of my chiffon lilac dress, I just stood there marvelling in all the control he was taking. I could view the bubbles rising in the luxurious hot tub at the back of the bathroom, surrounded with white candles, and rose petals floating in the large tub.
I was standing there in just my Victoria secrets.
He looked me up and down and my body just melted… before I knew it my underwear was off and he walked me towards the bath directing my feet in slowly, before taking off his towel and tossing it to the ground. We were both consumed by the atmosphere, the soft feel of the bubbles and rose petals. It was so romantic. We didn’t need to say anything, the music said it all. We just lay there; while he stroked my hair and caressed my body for about an hour.
My head was totally consumed by him, he was all I could think about and vision, everything at that moment was perfect. There was nothing to worry about, nothing to consider. But that of course did not last for long!

Reese is a good man, just in a situation. I suppose it happens to the best of us, meaning me. It is easy to fall in love with two people I guess, I mean one may have qualities which the other lacks, one may caress you better than the other, they may stimulate every sense in your body, your mind, heart, every emotion left untouched. So I guess it’s not an easy situation to be in, and it is not one which is planned. You don’t ‘really’ plan who you fall in love with, it just happens most times, you lose total control of yourself and become consumed by the loving and tenderness that person gives. It may not be down to looks, desirable features, wealth or even sex. Sometimes the person just steals your heart and that’s it! I can say that was it for me, I was blind to everything else, I just wanted him, I wanted everything about him to be with me forever, but there is no such thing as forever is there?

Chapter Ten- Keshia

2009-10-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

I woke up from my slumber, feeling no guilt at all. Untangling myself from the duvet I turned around and noticed that Bobby was fast asleep as usual after creeping back into the house about five in the morning. Unfortunate for him I was awoken by the sounds of the key unlocking the door. Why do it put up with this shit! It’s not like I can’t get anyone better! I’m sure I could get a whole lot better than him, but I love him and we should try.
I mean I shouldn’t give up too easy.
I should give it a chance.
I’ve been too hasty in the past, to quick to move on, so I’m going to work at this one, but how can I work alone? A relationship takes two and Bobby needs to start playing his part in this.

I slid out of the warm bed and went to the shower across the hall to our room. I stood at the door for a while watching Bobby asleep on the four poster oak bed in the centre of the room, spread with lilac sheets,surrounded by complementary ikea furniture and scented candles. He was definitely a sexy man. He lay there peacefully with not a worry or care on his face. His caramel skin blossomed at me with a radiance that only he could carry off sleeping. But that’s what the girls loved, and he knew this, he did not have to try, he was a charmer without even exploiting anything.

I eased myself into the electric shower and adjusted the water to get hot enough to steam the room. I reached over and grabbed my scrunchy, lathering the shower gel into it, forming subs which I strategically washed into my skin letting the sweet smell of jasmine and lavender eliminate my stresses. The touch of the water on my soft skin, made my thoughts get the better of me and I started thinking about the first time Bobby and I made love. A time when there were no other cares in the world, when I was oblivious to all the drama and the girls. I was the only thing which mattered that night, and he made me feel so special, I thought I was on cloud nine for weeks. He had me dancing with stars. It was definitely a ‘waiting to exhale’ moment, and damn I had exhaled at least eight times that night! He made my toes curl and my heart flutter; I think that was the moment he got me, the moment, which has now led to this.

I turned off the shower and stepped out, grabbing my lilac towel then drying my skin delicately before creaming myself with rich coco butter lying on the over congested window ledge. I picked up my makeup bag from the cabinet, and carefully put on my mascara and blue eye pencil in the partly steamed mirror. Bobby loved this shade on me, and I wanted him to see exactly what he stood up last night. Although I was going to work, I wanted to make an effort just to slap it in his face once more.
As I exited the bathroom I heard his gruff voice begin to talk…
“Babes, I’m sorry bout last night. I had to go and do something bout the madness. You understand don’t you?”
As he started talking I shot him one look, walking over to the wardrobe selecting the clothes I was going to wear. I answered him angered at his choice of words.
“Bobby, you know what. It doesn’t matter what I think anymore. All I can see is you not sticking to your end of the agreement, we have been back together for a few months and you’re already letting them bitches interfere with our relationship again. Look if you don’t want this to work, then please say because I don’t really want to be wasting my time again, thinking shit will change!”
He sat up indirectly aggravated at the potential argument. “Keish, I love you so much, and I know you’re fed up with me. I promise it won’t happen again…”
“Don’t promise me anything please, because it doesn’t mean a thing! It’s just a lie, because you cannot keep to your promises”
“Babes don’t be like that, I’m trying”
“You’re not trying hard enough” I shouted, slamming the wardrobe door. “You left me here all alone again! Last night was supposed to be OUR night, no one else, but ours and you left me. You left me and ran to the defence of her, putting our relationship in jeopardy for her once again. Do you even care how it makes me feel? No you don’t, I’m telling you, you need to do something about it, you need to decide what you want. I am not going to let her be the third wheel in our relationship anymore, so you decide Bobby!”
“What? Woman, what are you going on about, you’re carrying on like I’m having an affair with her! I’m not, she is just my friend, but if you don’t want me to talk to her again, then fine, because I love you and I will do anything I can to save this relationship”
“Well, let’s start with you locking her off. There should be no need for you to contact her anymore should there? She is just going to end up getting you killed!”
“Don’t be so dramatic babe. Look I sorted out the madness yesterday, well calmed it down. Riddler said he is going to give her two weeks to repay his money”
“Why, what has she done this time that it will take two weeks for her to make payment, and don’t even think about giving her any money!” I said with a stern look on my face, because I knew he is a sucker and will do just that. I continued to get dressed angrily.
“Don’t be silly babes. Basically she is going to have to sell her car. She sort of run this drug scam behind his back and it went pear shape, its all stupid to be honest”
“Yeah, and that’s the sort of people you like to hang around with!”
“Look babes, let’s just forget it. Let me make up last night to you!”
He had this horny look on his face, and I knew just what he was thinking, but hell no! After he left me home alone last night, he is not getting any for a few days!
“Are you serious, because I think you’re a comedian right now, you better put on one of your DVDs and exercise your right hand, because I’m going to work!”
“Babes, don’t mess about, you can’t leave me like this!”
He took the covers off his body and exposed his full erection. It was tempting, but right now I needed to stick to my words, how dare he choose her over me!
“Babe, lie there and reflect on the sexy black and red lingerie set, with my stockings and black stilettos, which I was going to wear for you LAST NIGHT!”

It made me feel good leaving him lying in the bed like a confused child, but I cannot let him get away with this right now, he took the blatant piss. I turned around and walked out of the room without giving in to the temptation that was tearing between my legs. I could hear Bobby sighing in the bedroom and pleading with me to come back to bed. I wanted him to suffer so I quickly grabbed an apple and muesli bar from the kitchen and left the house without saying goodbye just to show him how angry I was with him. Normally no matter what, we never left the house without giving each other a kiss, but today was different, he had broken his promise already, and for that two faced bitch.
Allowing myself to think about Shanny and Bobby together last night, made my blood boil so I decided to take a slow walk down to the train station. I needed to calm myself down and ponder on my thoughts for a while.

As I walked at a brisk pace, I reflected on the past ineffectual men that I had been with before Bobby. Now there was Omar, he was so fine, intelligent, ambitious, romantic and had money. Only thing was that he had too many bad relationships which haunted him like a reoccurring dream. I mean he would have been perfect if he was not so conceited. Some men just feel that they have to constantly be the alpha male and remind people at every opportunity. He would continuously go on about how much in bonuses he would be getting at work, and how he could buy anything he wanted. The thing which got to me the most was his constant reminders of the things which he bought for his ex’s. Now what kind of man actually keeps a full account of everything they have ever bought a girlfriend! Well he bloody did, and that used to really annoy me, it’s like he was doing it for recognition, not from the kindness of his heart. He bought me a diamond bracelet once, and he never let me live that one down. Even when we broke up he tried to ask for it back, now how pathetic was that!
Then there was Simon; I should have known he would have been trouble, because he had off-key features from the start. This man would phone me up all hours of the night asking me where I was, and what I was doing. He would offer to pick me up from work, and follow me everywhere I went. I'm sure he was borderline obsessively disturbed, because all this happened in the first month of us dating!
Now Lionel, he was the bum! The sexy ass no good man, that we all come across one point in our life. He was so good in bed and adventurous. Hell, we did it almost everywhere, outside in the park, the car, the lift, in the rave, the swimming pool, kitchen table and even on the train. We had some good times, but wherever we went I was footing the bill. He was on job seekers allowance and a part time fraudster, who I must admit was not very good at his criminal trade. He spent most of his day smoking weed, and driving about with his brother. Although the sex was great, it became tedious carrying him, and I thought about the things he would teach our kids, and it was not a good look at all!
There was also Teddy, yes the fat lover. He was not that big, but squishy like a bear- soft and cuddly. What went wrong with him? He had a good job, good to converse with but he had five children for four different women, and he lived at home with his mother!
Oh yeah, not to forget Matty, sweet but to soft. Come on everyone needs a man that can defend them, and Matty was just too nice for his own good. I could walk all over him without even trying. No one wants a man that they can fully control, one who doesn’t put up any resistance. So you know he had to go!
I briefly recollected on the many others, but they were not even worth thinking about. I mean you have your first date and you think that they are the best thing ever. They tell you everything you want to hear, like they have a script for men on how to trap women like a spider laying its web. You fall for all the sweet talk, and the serenading. Then they go for the kill, and then two/ three months later you find out that the person you have just given yourself to is a fraud, a fake, you have been bamboozled and by then it is too late. You either bail out and add another failed relationship to your list of annulled encounters, or you press on and stick with rubbish, which you do not really want but are afraid to move onto another relationship due to fear of being labelled as a ‘hoe’.
Well for me, I don’t actually care. If it doesn’t work out, I move on. I don’t waste anytime waiting anymore. Yeah maybe I am a fool for the charmers, and I try their goods too quick. But who determines too quick? I mean how long does a woman have to wait to find out that the man is no good, and you’re totally incompatible! Please, I would rather find out sooner than later!
But, things with Bobby has been a entire turn around for me, I mean I have had to do a total 360 on the situation, I went back and I decided to try again! But Bobby is taking too long to adjust, to long to change and I’m searching, I am an impatient person, I want mine now. It is about time for me to be happy, I’m fed up of watching these bitches take all the good men and be happy. I'm a good woman, when is it going to be my turn?
Yeah, I am sort of cheating at the moment, but it is something, which developed when Bobby decided that he wanted to chase those useless girls, and be a bachelor like his cousin. That’s when I met Clayton, so in theory I’m not actually doing anything wrong. Me and Bobby getting back together just happened so quick, like watching a cheetah in the African Jungle chase its prey. Before I could blink we were talking about moving in together. I just didn’t have time or the heart to tell Clayton it was over, I mean he comes in handy sometimes. And it is always good to have a plan B!

Chapter Nine- Marcus

2009-10-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

I sat in my car, with my hands clasped on my brow, listening to the sounds of the unexpected rain hitting my windscreen. Damn, I know Janet is hurting right now, but I had to tell her. I only wish that things were not happening this way, I wish it were Janet I was marrying. But what choice do I have, she has expressed herself clearly that she could never get into anything romantic with me, and that night was nothing more than one night. Did she actually mean it, or was she shutting me out? Looks like I will never know, because here I am engaged to be married to someone who I hardly know. I mean Jasmine is a sexy girl, but I don’t love her. I don’t. I can’t at the moment I love Janet, and I think I always have. I can’t believe that I have messed up like this, how could I get her pregnant!

I stared through the rain blankly. I had hoped that within time Jay and I would have rekindle what we had that night, and it would mould into a full loving beautiful relationship. I always held onto that thought, but I had needs and that’s how I ended up with Jasmine, she helped take my mind off Jay for a while.
Now Jasmine is tall and sexy, she actually looks like a runway model, but thing is I don’t know if she is for me, she is too materialistic. She is already talking about the designer buggy she wants and a matching Louis Vitton baby bag. Come on now, that’s just too much. I don’t know how she is going to cope with a baby, she gets her nails done every week, parties like it is the last rave ever and she just knows everybody on the circuit, and I mean everybody. But it is what it is at the moment, she’s moving into my house in the next few weeks once I have sorted out the decorating.
I can’t believe I am losing my freedom like this. One minute she was coming over for the odd nights during the week, then the long weekends and now were having a baby, getting married and moving in together permanently. How did I get myself into this!
Janet is perfect, she would be the perfect soul mate for me. We know each other so well, and she still looks as good as she did in college, well that is a lie, she looks even better! She is doing well for herself, I feel so bad, that it took this long for me to tell her. I think that she is hurting more than she is actually telling me, this is the first time she has not let me drop her home ever!
I need to call her tomorrow to see if she is okay. I have realised that I need her around me, she is like my daily drug, she always puts a smile on my face no matter what, and we have spent too much time apart. If I hadn’t moved out of London, things would still be like old times, and maybe just maybe I wouldn’t be in this predicament I am in now.
Looks like I am going to have to learn to love Jasmine, she is carrying my child after all.
As I relaxed back into the comfort of my warm nappa leather seat, I though to myself I better just give her a quick call, make sure that she is okay…

Chapter Eight- Janet

2009-09-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

I looked at my watch on my wrist anxious about being on time. It was nine fifteen and I had just pulled up outside Embargos in a taxi driven by the most daring cab driver I have ever witnessed. I swear he could not have had a driving licence, the way he was driving. I hurriedly stepped out the red Mazda and into the after work party district. I dusted off my blue off the shoulder top which I had grabbed up Westend after work and straightened my black high waisted skirt which complimented my black and blue stilettos. I don’t know why I was making such an effort, it was only a drink. I strutted carefully pass these two white men, who gave me a wolf whistle as I wined passed. I hadn’t seen Marcus ‘officially’ for near enough a year and I know he will be looking fine as usual.
The door was opened for me by the middle aged Columbian door man, and I walked through the heavy glass doors into the dimly lit bar. I scanned the room to look for Marcus, as I turned to my left I noticed him waving towards me from a secluded corner of the bar. I strutted towards him with a huge smile on my face, as he mirrored my action with his arms open.
“Hey beautiful. Damn you look good” He said as he twirled me around.
“Same to you babes” I expressed as I we held each other in a tight embrace for about thirty seconds. Anyone who saw us could tell that we had missed each other immensely.
I unconsciously licked my slightly glossed lips. I looked on and admired Marcus, still as suave as ever, wearing a chocolate brown suit, with a pink shirt with the top two buttons undone displaying his sexy chocolate skin. Damn, he knew how to pull off a good suit. My eyes drifted as I sat there thinking, how did I ever let him slip away after that night. What really was going through my mind! This was something worth risking. We had never fully regained the friendship we had after that night. Everything changed.
Now, here we were meeting together after all this time. What really was on his mind? Did he just want to catch up, or does he have something he needed to tell me to my face? My suspicion grew stronger, as I smiled happy to see him. Well it can’t be anything worst than how I treated him, I thought. He’s back in town, and I’m sure I could make reparations. Did I even want to? Fear was over shadowing my senses. Please God let me get through this evening.

I loved quiet spots like this, although it was in the heart of the wine bar district, Embargos was for the grown and sophisticated, the working folk, who wanted to be secluded from all that ‘young hype’. Everyone in here looked like they had just come from work, or had enough money not to work, but the environment was not pretentious.
“Here babes. I ordered you a brandy cocktail. You still like them don’t you?” He murmured so close up to my ear that it sent a slight shiver down my spine as I took the cocktail.
“Yes, I do. I don’t like how you know me so well” I said cheekily, with a flirtatious smile on my lips, whilst flicking my fringe from my face.
“Come on, give me some ratings. We spent so much time together in college, of course I know you like the back of my hand. Actually I think I know you better than I know myself babe”
We both laughed, walking over to the huge vacant comfortable white leather sofa, surrounded by dimmed honey lighting and a few people in deep conversation. We sat down, adoring the sounds of the live band playing on the back stage.

We sat for an hour engrossed in conversation, discussing the latest progressions in my life and his new promotion. Marcus shared his troubles moving back to London and his newly purchased three-bedroom house in Streatham.
I was so proud of him, who would think that the little street boy Marcus would be so successful, I mean he was always running after women like they were going out of fashion, actually let me correct that, they were running him down. I suppose they could see the potential in him, because he was always hard working. He did actually put his head down despite his reputation, and he always had high ambitions, I’m so glad that he has succeeded.

The conversation became light, discussing the bands collaboration of music. As I peered over my tall glass, I could see that Marcus was itching to say something; he looked as though he couldn’t contain his self any longer, itching to say something. I was right! Just like he could read my thoughts he opened his mouth and mentioned that night…
“What happened in Manchester Jay?”
“Marcus, look I’m sorry about what happened that night, I just….”
“Jay, actually don’t worry bout it. I haven’t held it against you. I understood where you were coming from; you had to protect your own interest”
“Hey! Don’t put it like that, I did not act selfishly, I mean… I was just scared”
“Scared of what Jay, I would never hurt you” He said with a sincere look on his sweet face, his brows sighing in disbelief.
“I know, but I was scared to lose you as a friend, you meant the world to me and I didn’t want to risk that changing”
Where was I going with all this honesty! I’ve only had a few drinks, now I was here pouring out my feelings, which I had suppressed for so long. What am I doing, I sound pitiful.
He leaned his chair closer, drowning out the sounds of the background distractions. “Jay, I felt the same way, but that night felt so right. I mean I felt at one with you. I thought the feelings were mutual…”
“They were… I… look it was a long time ago. Now, you’ve moved on, I’ve moved on. Let’s just leave it!”
“This is what you do every time, brush it under the carpet. Jay we need to talk about it. I need to know how you feel about me”
“Why? Look I told you. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, you have always been special to me, we have been there for each other since college, and I didn’t want that to change”
“Okay. So that’s how it is yeah? You care for me like a best friend?” He said frustrated.
“Yes!” I lied.
“And nothing more?”
“Why are you interrogating me? I have told you already!”
“Okay, okay… babe, I’m just asking. Let me get you another drink”
As Marcus went over to the well stocked bar to get me another cocktail, I sat thinking. Why don’t I just tell him the truth? The truth that I am in love him and always have been, and that night just made my feelings stronger. I just can’t seem to get the words out.
He doesn’t really need to know how deep it actually is, does he?
What if he feels the same?
He hasn’t really spoken about his true feelings. Well I haven’t actually given him the opportunity to do so. Maybe I should just tell him…
Nah!

As he stood at the bar, with his body learning partially over the counter I sat there admiring his physique letting my thoughts run away, picturing us together happily married, and visualising what our children would look like, would they inherit his strong sexy features, with his gorgeous brown eyes that shone like the sun through a glassed stained window. Would our daughter be as pretty as him? Would our son be athletic and charming like him! I shook the thoughts out of my head. Argh, I’m driving myself mad! I forced the vision back into my ‘what if’ memory bank as Marcus came walking back over to me, reclaiming his seat.
“Here Jay. Look I’m sorry for pestering you about it. Your right we should just move on, I won’t mention it again. But I just needed to know. From the first time I met you I knew we had something special and I am glad that we are still friends to this day babe. I’m just sorry that we haven’t been as close the past few years…”
“That’s fine, it’s my fault as much as yours, but mainly yours, most important thing is that we are here now”
“I know, thanks for coming. I mean I didn’t actually give you a choice did I?”
I had to laugh at that, because he actually didn’t, although I wanted to meet up with him anyway. I'm glad he actually made the first move.
“Jay, look I have something I need to say to you, it’s been on my mind for ages and I feel bad that it has taken me so long to pluck up the courage to say something”
Wow, he rushed his words out so fast and his face looked serious. He leaned closer, looking around uncomfortably. What was he possibly going to say? A thousand things ran through my head, but I could read Marcus like a book. His left eyebrow was raised, which indicated that it was something which I would not be too happy to hear.
He took a deep breath and began talking…
“Jay… remember I told you about the girl that I’m seeing at the moment?”
“Oh yeah, the ‘Personal assistant!’ I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah, well its going okay, and err… we have been together for almost six months now, but err…urmm… we getting married next spring”
OH MY GOSH! My heart stopped beating. What was this that he was telling me! Please say that this is all a bad dream. I cannot believe what he just said, what happened to not wanting to hurt me! My lips won’t move… good evening heartache! Why, why, why?
“Jay, I’m sorry...thing is, I haven’t known her for that long and I’m not sure about the relationship, but Jay” He took a deep breath. “she’s pregnant…”
I couldn’t utter a single word, I just sat there with a blank expression on my face, frozen on the spot. I can’t believe it got worst!
“I’m only doing what’s right for the child, what choice do I have?”
My world had just crumbled before my eyes. How could he, how could he get that woman pregnant! He has only known her for a minute, how could he be getting married! She is a professional bitch! She has never liked me. Ever since she’s been around she has been trying to throw a deeper wedge between Marcus and me. Now look! I can’t breath… but I need to say something, I can’t let him know how much this is hurting me! Compose yourself, I must get it together!
I shifted in my seat, increasing the space between us. “Wow…that’s a surprise. Marcus the sweet boy, getting married and having a child, damn. Your gonna have to throw away your players card now!”
“I know. It’s not something which I planned, I mean I can’t believe it myself, Jasmine told me and I just couldn’t believe it. Me, going to be a father. I had to propose to her, my mother just wouldn’t let it go. I mean she tried to make me tie the knot before the baby is born, but I don’t think I can handle that”
“What do you mean? Come on now, your going to do it next year, you must love her” My gosh those words were so hard for me to get out, I don’t even think I even want to hear the answer. I retreated back into the sofa, scared of the oncoming verbal slaughter.
“To be honest with you... I’m not actually sure. It’s all happened so fast, I haven’t had time to evaluate my feelings, all I know is that I’m going to be a father in six months for sure. Jay…I’m doing the right thing aren’t I?”
“How can you ask me! You must know what you’re doing, you obviously knew what you were doing when you slept with her unprotected” I snapped not realising that my feelings were being exposed right now.
“You know what Jay, your right I’m not going to make no excuses but she was supposed to be on the pill, but I should have known better, and now I’m just taking responsibility for my actions”
“What you saying she trapped you?”
“I’m not saying that, but she did tell me she was on the pill. You remember that one girl in college that time that lied to me and told me she was pregnant”
“Oh my gosh, yeah now that was funny, she was the girlfriend from hell, she wouldn’t stop at anything to get you back! Damn!” At this point I actually cracked a smile and a giggle, as I rose back out from the shadows. Now that was a funny moment in time.
“I’m happy for you I suppose. I’m just shocked that your tying the knot before all of us!, You’re the last person anyone would see getting married!”
“Excuse you, your going on like I am such a hoe” He laughed.
“Oh please, don’t play innocent with me. So full time commitment is knocking on your door, smelly nappies, pushing buggies all that heading your way!”
“Don’t remind me, I always thought it would be different, you know with someone else…”
His eyes glistened as he looked at me. Was that directed at me? Why would it be? My emotions was getting the better of me so I interrupted the tension and got up rapidly. I can’t pretend anymore all this talk was cutting me in two. My voice croaked “I’m going to the ladies, be back in a minute”
I hurried over Marcus’s legs and rushed to the bathroom almost bumping into the foreign waiter holding a tray of drinks.
I wiped under my eyes carefully, not wanting the mascara to smudge. Oh my gosh, I just cannot believe what he has just told me. I looked in the mirror, Thank God I didn’t tell him how I actually feel about him. I would have looked like a right fool. All this is my own fault, it could have been us together! Why did I kick him out that night, why! Now he is marrying that bitch, I know she planned this. Fuck! How did this happen. I want to cry so bad.
I can’t think straight.
Marcus is getting married!
I forced back my tears.

As I walked back to where we were sitting I thought about what he last said, about him wanting it to be with someone else, because I wished this was not happening. I wished it were me. He was the perfect man, good job, career minded, he knew how to treat a woman. He was family orientated, and God fearing so I understood where he was coming from proposing to her, but why now, why her!
“Hun are you okay?” Marcus asked sincerely, the light giving him an angelic appearance.
If only he could read how bad I wanted it to be me, how bad I wanted this all to disappear, how much I really loved and cared for him. But of course I couldn’t tell him that, so I lied again!
“I’m fine. Look its getting late, I need to get to bed, got a meeting early in the morning”
“Sure. Jay” He reached out and held my hand. “ I just want you to know, you’re very special to me, and I’m sorry about leaving it so late to tell you. I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else. I just… didn’t know how to tell you, just in case… you know!”
“Marcus, it was a long time ago, I’m past that now. I’m happy for you, really I am, it’s just a shock because we used to be so close. I just thought you would have spoken to me before making such an important decision. But I know everything is different now”
“No it is not Jay. Not if we don’t want it to be”
“Come on lets be real here. Number one your woman, well fiancée does not like me, never has and doubt if she ever will. Our friendship cannot get any better, not if she has anything to do with it. I would love it to be how it was back in college, but it never is going to be. I will still love you the same, you will always have a special place in my heart, and I hope I will in yours”
He lent forward and held my hand, rubbing it gently with his thumb, whilst he searched my eyes for what I was desperately trying to hide.
“Of course you will Jay, I’m telling you. You and Me for life no matter what, you remember what we used to say?”
We both laughed and said it together “We will ride or die together, friends forever, M&J”
After we finished reciting our little pact, I stood up and wrapped my scarf around my sholders before quickly walking out of the now quiet bar. Marcus was close behind me trying to keep up my hurried pace. He reached out and held onto my arm, forcing me to slow down before questioning if I had drove. I explained that I had not, and he offered me a lift home. My heart was aching me, there was no way I could be around him any longer so I declined. I needed to be alone right now. I believe he understood, as he didn’t put up a resistance like he would normally do. I needed to digest what I had just heard.
Once outside we shared a hug and another goodbye as he gave me a kiss on the cheek, before looking into my eyes and rubbing his thumb against the same spot he just sanctified. He was so seductive without even knowing it. The streets were busy and noisy, with drunk people falling out the bars in search of food. Marcus ushered me close to protect me from the oncoming barge from an unconcerned young lad. He looked as though he wanted to hold me close and never let me go, but reality hit me as I waved goodbye as I flagged down a passing taxi and jumped in, leaving him standing on the cold pavement, alone.
Damn, how did I mess this up, I have lost the best man in my life and I know that no one can ever come close to Marcus, not even remotely.

Chapter Seven- Leyah

2009-09-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

It was almost eleven o’clock and I was ready and waiting, pacing up and down my living room peering through my wooden blinds, out into the dull street with over grown hedges. I looked on watching my neighbour Paul effortlessly wash his Ford Escort with his tanned hands, taking so much pride in his modified car as he rubbed off the daily dirt.
I looked up into the sky, feeling a little guilty that I couldn’t even tell mum that I was going out with that bastard Reese today. Damn, she would come straight down here and give him a peace of her mind, like she did every occasion she could. The man repulsed her, and I can’t blame her. He hurt her daughter, and my poor mother had to help me to get over him. For weeks I would not eat, all I would do is lay in my bed crying, pregnant with his child, asking God why me!

Reality struck me as I watched Mrs Henry’s fifteen year old grand-daughter, strutting down the road with her aluminous skirt, matching leg warmers and white vest. What was I actually thinking! How could I even think about going out in public on a family outing with this fool? He better not get used to this, because this is the first and the last. I walked back over from the book shelf, I can’t let this man take control over my life again!
I stopped and looked out the window as I noticed Reese’s sparkling Black Jeep pull up outside, the rays of the sun reflecting off his flawless bodywork. I grabbed my short denim jacket off the banister as I rushed out into the hall checking myself in the handcrafted mirror and re-spraying my Marc Jacobs perfume before taking my time to stroll out the door, acting like I was not sitting by the window waiting.
As the light breeze touched my skin like a piece of soft wool, my anger faded away and introduced me to an optimistic mood. The weather had actually kept to its promise and remained sweltering, the sun appearing through the perfect white clouds in the clear blue sky. Asia was sitting in her safety seat in the back, wearing a Baby Phat dress in her favourite colour pink. She waved her little palm frantically through the window, surprised that her mother was actually coming out with the two of them.
I opened the heavy passenger door, and entered onto the cream leather seat. “Hey, you’re on time” I said stunned, then I turned and directed the rest of the conversation at my beautiful princess, sitting with hair in two white bobbles, which was one of the only styles Reese could perfect. “Baby girl, did you miss mummy?’ She responded giving me a shy smile, and exposing her pearly whites.
“Leah, I’m always on time babes, you know me!” He said offended, as he easeed the gear into drive.
“Humm don’t I just! So what did you tell her and what did she say?” Reese coughed nervously, which meant that he was about to make up a story. “And don’t lie to me. You didn’t tell her did you?”
“Well, I told her and she was like… she doesn’t know why you should come. So I explained to her why I wanted you to come, for Asia’s sake, and then we had a big disagreement… and then she told me not to come home if I go today!”
“Look I don’t want to be causing any problems between you and her, you’re the one who has to go home to that afterwards and you ain’t sleeping on my sofa tonight” I said firmly, watching him grip the steering wheel tighter.
“Did I ask if I could? Please she can’t keep me out of my own house if she wanted to! It’s sorted anyways. Like I tell her all the time, my baby girl comes first!”
“Hmmm, so when you two having kids, so that she can say the same crap to you. Then what would you do then. Forget about your baby girl?”
“Don’t be silly. Look can we just forget it and concentrate on our day” He stressed, looking into his side mirrors before turning onto the open duel carriageway.
“Well like I said to you before, I don’t want any more drama on my door!”
“Don’t worry bout it Leyah. Forget all that. We are going to have fun today, aren’t we Princess?”
“Yeah daddy”
The roads were only plagued with a few cars on this wonderful day, which was a surprise. Maybe everyone had set off earlier to head to the popular destination of Brighton. Luckily the journey was not too far from my house, meaning that I did not have to tolerate sharing a confined space with this bastard. We sat in silence most of the way listening to some old school R&B, as I looked out the window watching the cars fall behind us on the motorway as Reese clocked 120 miles per hour in the fast lane. The drive was awkward, but we occasionally engaged in some small talk to make the journey seem quicker.

I watched the horizon as the sea got closer, and the smell of fresh salt water and seaweed hit my senses. We had finally reached Brighton, and it was only twelve o’clock. The streets were packed with people trying to enjoy the sporadic weather. Amazingly Asia was actually awake, taking in her surroundings excitedly.
As we neared the sea front, Reese drove around looking for a parking space amongst the packed streets. Eventually he spotted a green people carrier exit a spot, leaving it open for him to steal before anyone else spotted it. I climbed out and stretched my limbs, as Reese went and assisted Asia. Thankfully we were parked a short distance away, mentally remembering where were had parked Reese lad the way towards the Aquarium, Asia skipping along quickly trying to keep her fathers pace.
As we walked passing the happy people skating along the pavement, and the children eating they’re ice-creams, Reese could not let the silence be blissful.
“Look Leyah thanks for coming with us, it means a lot”
“Like I said before, I’m not doing it for you I’m doing it for our daughter. Did you even bring a camera?” I said in a sarcastic manor, shaking my head.
“What do I look like? Look I know your only doing what’s best, that’s what I love about you. You just…”
I stopped in my tracks. “Okay, stop right there! Don’t be reminiscing about things, lets just do this get it over and done with. So we can both go back to our normal lives, okay!”
“Okay, sometimes I just would like to talk to you about how things are going, you know. We can at least maintain a friendship so to speak”
“Reese, why are you chatting BS. What is it that you want to find out? Just be open. We don’t need a friendship, we have a daughter together and we only interact because of her, or else I would not be talking to your lying, cheating, scandaless ass no way!”
“Leyah, I’m sorry yeah. I’m sorry for what I did to you in the past. I’m sorry for being a bastard to you, I admit I got caught up and did not realise the implications of my actions. I regret it like I have told you over and over again. I just want us to move on from that!”
“What do you mean move on? Move on and do what? I’m here with you now, this is moving on. We have to do what we have to do. You say sorry like it’s your middle name. I just can’t believe you at times!”
“Leah Leah, I’m sorry” Reese said sympathetically, as we regained our pace to Asia who had ran ahead.
I ignored him, rolling my eyes as we reached the entrance of the aquarium. Reese handed the young brunette cashier the tickets, with Asia holding onto his hands jumping up and down excitedly.
I must admit, Reese seemed more genuine today than he has in a long time. I wonder if everything is okay between him and his fiancée. I wonder what he is up to. Look how he has got me, always thinking like a paranoid fool!

We walked around the aquarium looking at the beautiful sea life. Asia was so excited and was enjoying every moment of it. Reese was taking loads of pictures and got a few passers-by to take some of all three of us like he intended. As we reached to the gift shop we purchased a few souvenirs and Asia sat and got her face painted like her favourite Disney character Nemo. I must admit it was fun, as I watched Asia’s little face light up when she saw he reflection in the mirror and the smile on Reese’s face.

After we exited our tour of the aquarium we decided to walk along the busy Pier to get something to eat. Passing one of the amusement stands Reese could not resist trying to win a teddy bear.
“Look I bet I can win my princess one of those teddy’s. Which one do you want baby?”
“Errm, the pink one daddy”
“Reese you can’t win one of them, come lets go in case you make a fool of yourself” I laughed.
“Please! Don’t insult me, watch and learn darling!”
Reese began to frantically try throwing the plastic rings on the bottles for twenty minutes and must have spent about fifty pounds doing so, until he finally managed to get three rings on the bottles. Well the man let him off on one of the rings for trying so hard and gave him a prize for the share determination. People looked on bemused at my hysterics.
“Well! Well done. You actually won a prize”
“Shush you. I told you I would do it, and I wasn’t leaving until I fulfilled my promise”
“Please, it wouldn’t have been the first time you didn’t fulfil your promises” I always had to get a dig at him anyway I could. He just looked at me and didn’t even bother to answer that one.
We continued to walk, stopping to buy some ice lollies before arriving at the rides. I stood enjoying my cherry brandy lolly while Reese took Asia on a few of the children’s rides. Her little face looked like she was bursting with so much fun, I looked on admiring her happiness and innocence. Deciding to be a part of it, we all went on the teacup and saucers and the merry-go-round. We were laughing and joking together like there was no tension between us, like we were the perfect family. Damn let me come back to reality, this is what that bastard wanted, for me to think about the good times we could have so that he could sneak back into my heart like a serpent in the grass and sting me full on! I am not going to let him do that to me again!

The sun was beginning to descend, it was getting late so we decided to start walking back to the car, Asia was tired and I was happy that she had such fun. I could tell that she was pleased having both her parents together, enjoying themselves. She had this constant grin on her face, her little dimples prominent on her small cheeks that favoured her fathers too much.

On the drive home Reese started talking about the old days and the fun which we used to have. I had to remind him that he was doing the same things with his woman, and that what we did actually meant nothing! But I have to admit we did have some fun, I actually never experienced so much fun in all the past relationships I had been in. Even though our time was all a huge lie. I was happy until the day I found out about him and Shantel!
“Leyah, you look distracted”
“Nah I’m fine” I muttered turning from the window to answer him. I didn’t want him to have the pleasure of knowing that I was reminiscing on the good times we used to have.
“Well, thanks for coming today. You know it meant a lot to Asia and me”
“I didn’t do it for you Reese. I did it for my little girl, she is all that matters in this relationship”
“Oh… so we have a relationship now then!” Reese said trying to wind me up.
“Shut up Reese, you wish” I sort of sniggered.
“In deed I do” He laughed. “I know that it was hard for you to come out today, but we have had mad fun babes. I hope that we can do this again… I mean Asia would like it.”
“Reese, stop! You know this was a one off and I don’t think your fiancée would like to know that you are associating with me, not that I would anyway!”
Reese let out a sly laugh “That’s what I love about you, you’re so head strong and feisty at times!”
“Humm, and your woman doesn’t know how to stick up for herself, coz if I was the one in her shoes I would off buss your head a long time ago and you would of felt my raft big time!”
“Damn, I’m glad your not then” He laughed again “Leyah, you look very nice today, if you don’t mind me saying”
I turned my face and blushed, fact was I knew I did, and yes I spent a lot of time thinking bout what I was going to put on today, shit I had to look good, because I knew he would be watching me and Reese is the type of man who cannot let a good compliment miss his lips. My tight light denim jeans, which made my backside look so round and peachy did me justice today. I liked that fact that Reese noticed me and was still sexually attracted to me, he made it so obvious at times being unable to control his stare. It made me feel good, and to be honest I also enjoyed flirting with him, because I know he regrets the fact that I didn’t stay after finding out about Shantel, but hey he has to live with the fact that he missed out on a good thang!

Reese turned the powerful jeep into my road, pulling up outside my door and parking up. He put his gear in park, pulled up the handbrake and turned off the engine as the stars glistened outside in the night sky.
“Leyah, I’m going to carry Asia in the house, she’s sleeping and I don’t want you to struggle with her”
“Reese shut up” I laughed. “Look, your delaying going home, so don’t play dumb. I know your tricks now; you were driving at thirty miles per hour all the way back.”
“Okay, so I am. Can you at least let a man keep his pride! Is it okay if I come in for a bit?”
“I suppose that’s the least I can do, even though I don’t need to feel obliged to do anything, but come on then” I unlocked my door and climbed out into the night.
Reese carried Asia upstairs and put her in her bed, it was 8.45pm. We had been out all day. I didn’t intend to stay out so long. I took hung up my jacket exposing my goose pimpled arms, as Reese came bouncing down the stairs like he lived here.
“Can I get a cup of coffee please, all that driving has made me tired” He stated as we both entered into the tidy kitchen. He sat himself down on the small dinning table, playing with the place mat.
“Hummm, you better not fall asleep, because you know that woman will be at my doorstep” I spun around suspiciously. “Wait a minute how comes I haven’t heard your phone ring once, she normally blows off your phone”
“I turned off my phone, because today was our day” He said trying to convince me that it was okay, avoiding any eye contact.
“Are you mad! I’m not surprised she isn’t waiting outside the door. Look have this coffee and then go straight home, its late she must be having kittens. You must have about thirty messages on your phone. Why would you do that?”
“Look Leyah, I just wanted some time to myself just put her behind me for a while you know. Clear my head…” He confessed, looking tensed before I cut him off.
“Clear you head for what? You don’t need to clear your head. You know EXACTLY what you are doing. Next time you want to clear your head, please do not involve me!” I demanded.
“Don’t worry bout it, its nothing. She knows the score and it’s not like we are going to end up sleeping together anyway” He said with slight suggestion. Watching me intensively, hoping that I would take the bait.
“That’s not the point, from when she gets that in her head, its just headache. Look call her and tell her your elsewhere”
“Leyah, are you asking me to lie?” He said comically. I had to laugh at the fact that I was actually asking him to. I was colluding with the gutter rat.
“NO, I’m not, I’m just saying tell her that you’re somewhere and go THERE!”
“Don’t worry I’m off in a bit. I won’t get you involved in my dramas anymore. I know that you have put up with a lot from me, and I do not want to get you involved for nothing. You’re a good woman and I don’t want to hurt you anymore”
Now I knew this emotional blackmail of his all too well. I would feel sorry for him and let him get his way. But not this time, he had to go!
He sipped on his coffee, as I looked on in anticipation hoping that he would just hurry up and get out. “Reese just go now and save the argument”
“Okay Leyah, I respect your wishes, thanks for the nice day” Putting his mug down on the counter, He retreated and walked towards the front door, walking with his head down like a sick pup. “I’ll call you… bye”
He shut the door behind him without a fuss or dispute, which surprised me. Normally he would protest against my wishes. I wonder what the deal really is with him and Shantel at the moment. Why does he not want to go home just yet? I mean he has work in the morning and given the circumstances he should be running home. Oh well that’s not my problem, he made his bed, now he has to lie in it.

Chapter Six- Keisha

2009-09-21T17:05:00.001-07:00

The moon was glistening through the blinds in the living room, as Bobby and I sat down in the comforts of each others presence, reflecting on the moment; happy to be with each other, happy to be holding our bodies close. We huddled together relaxed on the sofa watching CSI. It felt nice to have him back.
At times everything was just so peaceful, no noise and no phones ringing. I hated when his phone always rung, interrupting every moment it could. Its like the caller just wanted to irritate me at every chance and Bobby knew I hated the fact that his phone was so hot, as soon as he put it down it down, it would ring again! Now all I do is just shoot a look in his direction and he knew to cut the conversation short.
Tonight there would be no interruptions, just me and him, our night.
“Baby lets go to the Indian restaurant in Camden and then come home. Then I will run you a nice hot bubble bath and wear something special for you” I whispered seductively.
“Yeah, that sounds good boo. Let’s do that, then come back and enjoy the rest of the night. I’m just not sure that I will be much company, I’ve had such a strenuous day. I had to work out for that role all day today” He said while he was rubbing the back of my hand.
“I know baby, that’s why I’m gonna come home and help you relax, give you a nice massage…” I said running my hands seductively over his strong defined back.
“You, your so much trouble, be careful before you start something up in here, and you end up starving for the rest of the night!” He laughed, stroking my soft thigh, as he teased my lips with his inviting breath.
“Mmmm, how you know that’s not what I want”
He looked deep into my eyes. “Boo, you know I love you so much and I love being with you, I’m just glad that we are back together, and I promise I will be everything you expect me to be”
“Baby I know. I feel the same. You know how much I love you too. I just want everything to be perfect, and we know what we want now” I said trying to reassure him and myself.

I glimpsed the Sky display on the plasma, it was now eight thirty. CSI had finished, so I decided to get up and start getting ready, leaving Bobby on the comfortable sofa in his Arsenal shorts, with his leg raised up flicking through the channels. It didn’t take him long to get dressed, he wasn’t a finicky man. But he always dressed good, always went out to impress just in case he bumped into a film director or a talent scout. Not that it ever happened!
As it was a pleasant mild evening, I decided to put on my black low neck dress with my thick brown buckled belt and my tanned brown Miss Sixty boots. I admired my reflection in the full length mirror, damn Bobby had one fine ass woman. I must admit I looked good tonight, and I wanted to. I wanted to make an extra effort because I wanted this night to be perfect. I didn’t want anything to go wrong tonight, I just wanted to be alone with my baby boo.

We gave our order to the well mannered greasy haired waiter, whilst we sat at the simple dressed table with one red rose and discussed the plans for booking our holiday and the ideas we had for decorating the flat. Although all the decorating ideas were his, I just sat there agreeing, rubbing his soft palm enjoying the fact that I was making decisions with someone else other than myself.
When our piping hot meal came we sat there feeding each other and staring into one another’s eyes, silently declaring our love. He could be so romantic at times, and I loved that so much about him, he would be the perfect husband one day, with a lot of training!
We both sat in the filled restaurant flirting like it was our first date, everything was just perfect and after we would go home and continue this lovely romantic evening just the two of us.
As I finished drinking my white wine, to wash away the taste of the naan bread interrupting my plans right on schedule just as if the bad omen was listening, waiting to spoil the moment Bobby’s phone began to ring…
“Hey what’s going on?” His face changed. “What? Don’t lie, didn’t I tell her about moving with that fool…I told you it would bring nothing but trouble, she don’t know who she is fucking with and now I have to sort this all out, coz that man don’t play, he will shoot her for that shit”
His voice had changed and at that point I knew the night was not going to end how I expected it to, as per usual. I let out a huge sigh and shook my head in disapproval as the candle on the table felt my pain and the flame wittered out.
Although Bobby had his head focused and was doing good for himself now, considering the things he used to get up to back in the day, he was still that bad bowy underneath, he still knew how to hold his own. I must admit this turned me on about him, the fact that he was not some man who pretended he was something he was not. He was a little thuggish and sometimes he still had to resort back to that mentality in order to let people know he hasn’t gone soft in his old age.
“Look, shush man. I’ll sort it out. I’ll phone you back”. He shut his phone off, licking his lips to get ready for the next instalment.
“Don’t even say what I think you’re going to say” I said as I pushed up my face, furiously crossing my arms, rolling my eyes like they were looking for the back of the sockets.
“Baby look, I know your gonna cuss but I have to sort this out before it gets out of hand. Shanny is going to get her head buss, she’s gone and mess with Riddlers money and he don’t play! I have to go down there and chat to him” He said with conviction, his arms describing his irritation.
“That’s not your business Bobby, why do you always get involved in her mix up. I don’t know why you run around with that girl. She’s just involved in so much shit, look at her with her criminal lifestyle and shit, thinking she’s better than others, and you sit and collude with all that rubbish” I started to raise my voice, and Bobby could see that I was becoming aggravated. He reached into his back pocket and took out his LV wallet, raising his hand for the bill.
“Boo calm down. Let’s pay for this and get out of here”
“Yeah let’s get out of here! Why? So that you can run to her defence like a good little puppy. What about us, what about our plans? Now your just gonna leave me!”
By this time the nearby Asian couples started to look in our direction, as I voices began to rise over the Bollywood music playing in the background.
“Boo it’s not like that, I can’t just stand back and let her get fucked up, you don’t understand he will kill her!”
“That’s not YOUR problem, I AM YOUR problem. I am YOUR woman, not her!” I was fuming, forgetting about the other people in the restaurant, as I slammed my stained napkin on the table.
“Don’t start saying your shit now please. I ain’t in the mood”
“Yeah, you’re never in the mood when it comes to supporting me, and being there for me. Thanks, thanks a lot” I stressed, anger clearly visible in my tone, when the waiter reluctantly handed us our bill with two small breath mints on the tray.

Now Shanny was some girl who he claimed he knew from five years ago. Truth was that he went to a weekender with his best mate and met her there. Danny was on her case first and she obviously didn’t like him, but that’s how she got close to Bobby. By speaking to him on a regular basis about the situation and how Danny was phoning her line everyday begging to take her out and buy her things. Bobby couldn’t see it, but I warned him that it was just a way for her to try and get close to him. Then they found out that they knew some of the same people, and that’s where it all started. I know her type, I knew from the first day that I saw her the type of girl that she was. She was a ‘hyped girl’ and was always around loads of drama. Bobby secretly loved this, he liked being around all the hype at times. I was too serene for him, I wasn’t someone who was always around drama. I was just peaceful, looking for someone to build a life with minus the female headache.

Bobby took out enough money on the table to pay for the bill, and leave a generous tip. He placed his hand on his head before taking a deep breath and leading the way out the restaurant door, thanking the weary staff on the way out. As we walked down the cobbled streets, I angrily strutted my heels making as much noise as I could, to emphasise my frustration. He didn’t even try to defuse the situation until we got to his car five minutes later.
He closed his door, which was shortly followed by my hard slam of the passenger door, sending an echo throughout the rest of the vehicle.
“Keish, I’m not going to be long, imma go sort this out and come straight back. You’re carrying on like I don’t come home to you every night”
I turned to face him. “That’s not the point Bobby. This always happens and that bitch knows what she is doing. Oh actually let me retract that coz she doesn’t even know that we are together again does she?” I questioned.
“Ohhh, Keish, stop chatting shit. How could she not know we are living together for Gods sake!”
“Yeah but its not like you told her, just like that other bitch. Why don’t you tell your so-called friends that you have a woman, and that you live with her? Huh Bobby! What is it that you have to lie all the time? Why can’t you tell them?”
“Ohhh your just chatting shit now, listen to yourself. All I’m going to do is sort this mess out and come straight home, to you!”
By this point it was evident that Bobby was going to do what he wanted to do regardless of how I was feeling or how much it would ruin our night. Truth was he loved females needing him, he loved the fact that the women love him, and tonight was going to be another night where I was going to be home alone, sitting in my lonely bed until about three, four o’clock in the morning when he would eventually come strolling in with some cocked up story. I knew this scenario all to well, and until he locked off all those women who he knows are trying to get him, our relationship would remain at this stagnant point.

After he dropped me back home I decided that I was not going to let this get me down. I pulled out a bottle of Pinot Grigio from the wine rack and played one of my old school slow jam CD’s before throwing myself down on the lonely sofa. I was fed up with this shit already. Nothing ever changes!
Here I am on a lively Friday night sitting on my own like a lonely miserable woman, but difference is I have a man! But where is he? With another woman! Yeah he says that he is sorting out her so called beef, which I must add she managed to get herself into, therefore she should get herself out of it or suffer the consequences. Then I thought about it for a while… why should I sit here horny thinking about my man gallivanting. I know exactly what to do to occupy my time….

The sound of a tired voice spoke down the phone “Hey, what you doing calling me so late?”
“Sorry, were you sleeping?” I whispered with a seductive tone.
“Oh hell nah, not really nah! Why what’s up?” I could hear him clearing the sleep from his voice.
“I just needed someone to talk to. How you been?”
“I’ve been okay, just missing you really. What you got on?”
Yes this is what I’m talking about, I didn’t even need to initiate anything, Clayton could read my mind and he knew exactly what this call was about! “Nothing much, just some little black French knickers and a tight little vest. “Why what you got on?”
“Damn I can just picture you now, with your long sexy legs and that firm ass of yours, and those big juicy nipples”
I could hear the desperation in his voice, he wanted me and he wanted me bad. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, especially with Clayton, but I needed to feel special tonight, I needed to feel like I was the only one that mattered, and Clayton knew how to execute this with precision, even over the phone.
Come on I’m not doing anything wrong, and in theory I’m not doing anything that Bobby hasn’t already done or hasn’t done of a similar nature. I needed to get mine and mine was on the other end of this telephone tonight, and if phone sex was the only way which I could achieve this, then phone sex it would have to be…

Chapter Five- Janet

2009-09-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

I sat at my desk looking out at the riverfront watching the yuppie couples dining, drinking their lattés and cappuccinos. My work was so demanding these days, I hardly had time to sit and think at my desk without receiving a thousand and one calls.

I was a Human Resource Manager for a large Media company, and the office was always vibrant and busy. My desk was swamped with paperwork; I could just about locate my phone. I looked up at the picture that was sitting on my desk of Me, Leyah, Yasmin, Gregory and Marcus at our college prom. This picture always put a smile on my face and would warm up my coldest of days. The clothes we were all wearing were so embarrassing! Marcus had this slanted high top which was dyed blonde at the top. I remember he used to have all the latest haircuts before any of the other guys in college. Greg, was funny, the joker of the group always making people laugh. He was wearing this awful cream pinstripe suit, with a yellow satin shirt and his dark sunglasses! I saw him a few months ago, working as an engineer for B.T, he has four kids for three different women! I shook my head recalling his behaviour at college; I always knew he would be one of those men! The girls and I all looked hot as per usual. Sporting hairstyles, which we would never resort to now, but it was the lick back in those days. Yasmin, was wearing this skintight little black dress, don’t ask me where she was going in that. I remember the whole night she kept on pulling it down, all it did was ride up and entice the horny college boys. Wow, those were the days, how I miss those moments.
Looking at the picture made me remember seeing Marcus earlier, so I decided that I had got over the initial shock of seeing him and I was ready to spread the news that he was back in London. I located my office phone under all the paperwork and dialled the familiar number.

“Hey Keshia, you never guess who I saw today?”
“Who? No don’t tell me… Wintson?’ She laughed
“Oh hell nah! Not that dry head teefing bastard! I wish I did see him!… Nah I saw Marcus…”
“Ohhh girl. Where? Did he look good? Was he with a woman?” Keshia said eagerly
“Oh my gosh, did he look good! That is an understatement! You know he always looks sexy. But I couldn’t find it in myself to speak to him, I mean I was so shocked that I saw him, I thought he was still out of London. We talked a few months back and he didn’t mention that he would be coming back anytime soon. Well I haven’t spoken to him in ages but that’s not the point.”
“Look Jay, why didn’t you go and say hi, I don’t understand! Don’t tell me that the man still makes you weak, he must have been with a woman for you not to say anything to him”
“You don’t understand. I mean I froze I had an exhale moment, my breath stopped and I had to exhale from the bottom of my lungs. The man had me hypnotised just with his distant presence”
“Now look if a man can do that to you, why in the hell did you two not get it together after that night?” She said in a puzzled voice.
“It wasn’t that simple…come on now he was my bestfriend, he knew everything about me and...”
“And nothing! He wanted you and you definitely wanted him, and you just let him go. You let him slip from beneath your hands, damn I would have taken care of him for you” Keshia laughed
“I’m sure you would of! Listen I don’t know what to do. Should I call him or wait for him to call me? I mean I would like to catch up with him. Sit and talk about what he’s been up to”
“Yeah I’m sure you would, look what happened the last time you did that!”
“Nah, I’m not out for getting in his pants, I just want to see him and be able to have a friendship like how we used to. I’m over that night. I mean it was me who didn’t want to discuss it further afterwards. I just wanted it to disappear, to be a pleasurable memory that we both held. Imagine if we got together and it didn’t work out, then all our history together would have been ruined. It was for the best. I did what was right. Now we are still are friends and I love him dearly” I said trying to convince myself
“Look Jay, imma be straight with you. You lost a damn good man, well you let a damn good man go. He was perfect and he is one of the very few good men out there. I always knew that you would have that one passionate night, but I thought it would bring you together. You can’t let the past of your bad relationships haunt you forever. Get over them and take a chance for once in your life. Call him and ask him round for a drink… make sure that you are looking as fine as ever and just seduce him!”
“KESHIA!”
“No seduce him with your words! Damn I know he must still be feeling the effects of that night and you did basically kick him out afterwards! Shit the man must feel that he can’t even approach you face to face anymore!”
“Keshia, what are you saying? You think I should call him?”
“Hell yeah! You better call him and apologise for your behaviour that night! Okay I’m chatting rubbish now. But call him and tell him that you were thinking about him and wanted to see how he was doing. Don’t tell him that you saw him. Let him tell you that he is back in London.”
“Yeah, your right. I’m not gonna say I saw his fine, sexy ass. I’m just gonna call him like I was thinking bout him. I miss him, we was so close back in the day”
“I know, that’s why you have to do this. Come on you know him better than he knows his self almost”
“Yeah your right. Okay gotta go. Imma call him now before I explode!”
“Good. Tell him I said hi.”
I put down the phone and thought about how I was gonna approach it, as I recited it in my mind the phone began to ring….
“Keshia imma do it now….”
“Hey” Said a deep sexy voice down the line.
“Hello? Keshia?” I said puzzled
“Nah babes this isn’t Keshia. It’s me…. Marcus”
Oh my gosh, my heart skipped a beat and I froze for a quick minute. “Marcus, oh my gosh babes. Long time no hear. I thought you forgot about me!” I stuttered
“Hell nah. I could never forget about you Jay. You’re my girl for life!”
I laughed, he was still the same. Still presented with the same humour, like we had never been separated for so long. The way which he said I was his girl made me lose focus for a while.
“How have you been? I missed you girl!” He confessed sounding all sexy.
“I’ve been okay. Just working and getting on with things, you know how it is. Bought a new house...”
“Yeah I heard, good on you girl. You know I’m back in London now…”
“Really! How comes? You back for good or passing through?”
“Well…I’m back here for good, you know. Luton is dead! I love London and I missed my girl Janet” Marcus said cheekily. “Jay, look here. I haven’t seen you in over three years. Damn what you look like now girl? You still as fine as I remember?… I’m just playing with you!.”
“I know Marcus, you always make me smile, and I miss that about you. I miss the way we used to talk back in the day”
“I know Jay, so do I” I could hear the sincerity in his tone. “You know you are so special to me, and you will always be. Look we need to meet up, let’s go out for a drink. What you doing tonight?”
“Tonight? Errm... well…”
“That’s good nothing. Lets meet up at Embargos at nine, and I will not take no for an answer” Marcus demanded
“Marcus, you can’t just demand that I meet you tonight, with no warning! I might have plans!”
“Jay please! Come on just meet me, we haven’t seen each other for years, now you gonna try sit there and make up an excuse for not meeting me, when you well and truly know you have nothing else to do tonight, so stop pussyfooting and meet me at nine!”
Damn, I loved it when he was so firm and authoritive, I could feel my insides warming up just picturing his expressions on his face as he spoke.
“Okay, Okay. I will meet you. But I’m only having one drink, I have work in the morning”
“Babes, one drink is not enough, but I respect that you have to work in the morning, while I will be resting in my bed, nursing my hangover” He sniggered “But what if I promise that you will have two drinks and I will ensure that you make it to work on time and sober tomorrow. Nine o’clock sharp!”
Marcus had a way with his words and I loved the way he spoke to me, I just had to oblige his offer.
“You are trouble. I haven’t seen you in years and you haven’t changed one bit Mr Walters!” I smiled “I will be there”
“Right then, word is bond. I will see you there Ms Lloyd… and hey don’t keep me waiting”

That was it! Oh my gosh, I had a date with Marcus later that same evening. What was I going to do, how would I handle seeing him again after so long. Damn I need to leave work early and sort myself out. Wait why should I? He knows what I look like first thing in the morning, we have spent many nights sleeping in the same bed after a long night of raving. But I can’t let him see me looking a wreck, not that I look one at the moment but I need to look presentable. Right that’s decided I need to hit Westend and pick up something new for tonight. Damn, what do I even want to come of tonight?

Chapter Four- Marcus

2009-09-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

I stretched out my arms, frustrated at the outcome of today’s trials. My mind was not focused at all. There was only one thing that was directly occupying my thoughts. I needed to phone Janet. I can’t let someone else tell her that I am back.
Damn I haven’t seen her since she kicked me out of her hotel room five years ago. I closed my eyes and reminisced on the tender moment we shared. I do miss her, and we have talked but it hasn’t been the same. The friendship changed, we haven’t even spoken a word of that night, and it was amazing, I mean I was better than I imagined it to be. She felt so smooth and tasted so good. I just don’t know what I did wrong, I mean it was not like I was the only one who wanted it to go further that night. Maybe she feels like she made a huge mistake! Every time I try to mention it she just cuts me off! Damn that woman sure knows how to run cold on a brother!
How do I tell her? I don’t even know how she will feel, I don’t even know where to start! The last time we spoke I know I should have told her, but I just couldn’t get the words out. It’s not like we have anything romantic or had anything romantic going on. It was just that one night, and I haven’t forgotten it ever since, yeah it was special but she has made it clear that she does not want to discuss what happened, and so I can only oblige her request.
How do I even tell her just in case she reacts irrational? I do not want to keep this from her any longer and I know she is going to be angry at me for it already!
I'm going to call her tonight, maybe I’ll go round and visit her, take her out for a drink…

Chapter Three- Leyah

2009-09-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

‘Knock, knock, knock… baby...’ The sounds of Joe blasted from my stereo as my cousin Rachel relaxed in the living room, listening to some old CD’s, whilst I got Asia ready for her father to come and collect her. The weekend was my time for freedom, not that I did anything in particular with it, but I was a time for me to chill.
“You got some good tunes here Leyah!”
“I know, I love my music, it gets me through. It makes me think back to when we were younger and all the house parties we used to attend. Now those were the good old days, when you could just go out and have fun!” I smiled, reminiscing as Rachel went through my album collection on my computer. “Asia! Come here and finish your dinner, you father is coming for you shortly”
Asia is my baby girl, I love her to bits. Her father on the other hand was a waste of space! We had Asia during a relationship we had four years ago. He charmed me, whined and dined me and then got me pregnant and that’s when I found out that he had a woman or to be precise a fiancée. I was hurt, and I was also four months pregnant when I eventually figured it out. Some people say to me, how did I not work that one out, but it was not simple. He had hidden it well. I mean we were together mainly everyday, if I did not see him I guarantee that I spoke to him. He knew exactly how to play the game and have me eating out of his hands. He told me all the right things and took me to all the beautiful places. We even went to Barbados together, which I later found out he had lied to his woman and told her some story about going to research the property market over there as a surprise for his mother. Man I must have really been a fool for true!
The only good thing about him is that he takes responsibility for his daughter. His relationship with his fiancée is still prevailing; she is actually a bigger fool than me! But I suppose whatever makes you happy, and he MUST be making her happy or giving it to her damn good for her to stay through his lies and scandals. Come on Asia is almost three, and Reese is a charmer, he has sex appeal oozing out of his body. I’m over him now, but I do understand what that stupid Shantel is going trough. It’s because I know what it is like, I know exactly what he has to offer, and YES it is all that and then some! I mean this man knows how to work every part of his body and then make every part of your body scream with desire, while making it look effortless.
He doesn’t really love Shantel, he couldn’t, he loves himself more. For him to treat her the way he has and then still continue the same behaviour he surely has no form of respect or remorse. The only reason he is still with her is because I kicked his ass to the kerb after I found out that he was engaged and had been the whole time throughout our one-year relationship, plus her parents own a number of estate agents and he needs the enhanced recognition.
Would I have stayed with him if he weren’t engaged? I’m not really sure how to answer that….maybe, or on the other hand maybe not. But I had always said from young that I wanted to have kids with one man and that would be the person who I would spend my whole life with. I grew up without my father in my life and I did not want that for my children. But life then dishes you out its own hand and your fate is at the mercy of silly mistakes and chances. Not to say that my Asia was a mistake, but it could have been planned a lot better, first being that Reese wasn’t the father and we had never met.
Just then my doorbell rang. I looked at the clock on the kitchen wall sceptically.
“Damnit, he’s here early” I announced as I rushed out of the kitchen to open the door.
“Look I will be back about eight let me go and buy some blank disks and come back” Rachel announced as I made my way past the front room to open the door. I knew Rachel was just trying to avoid Reese, she could not stand him. None of my family or friends could, but Rachel could not hide her repugnance towards him, so she avoided him as much as possible, because she was known to be very opinionated, she couldn’t hold her tongue!
“Alright then Rache” I opened the door and greeted Reese while Rachel kissed Asia goodbye and then forced a hi and bye to Reese as she brushed pass him at the door and into the sunset street.
He stood at my door, with the automatic safety light exposing his presence for all to see as he leaned causally on the wall.
“Hi, sorry I’m a bit early, it’s just that I left work early and decided to come straight down”
I rolled my eyes. “Look it’s fine, your only half an hour early, she’s not quite ready yet, just finishing her dinner”
“Daddy” Asia bellowed from the kitchen having heard her dad’s voice.
“Where’s daddies little princess?” He smiled as he passed through the front door and towards the kitchen which was opposite and in clear view of Asia sitting at the table on her pink princess booster seat.
Now I didn’t really let Reese into my house, because there was no need for him to come inside, but he took it upon himself to enter. Maybe this was the real reason why he had come early. To come and snoop to check that no man was living here. I know his tricks and I know the way he thinks, he had expressed many a times that he did not want no next man around his baby. Like I am supposed to remain a nun for the rest of my life. He must be mad!
He finished placing a tender kiss on her forehead before giving her instructions. “Princess, finish your dinner. Then you can come and have some fun at daddies, and I’ve got a little surprise for you if you eat all your dinner”
Asia rushed to eat her food, taking big gulps with her plastic children’s cutlery, anticipating her surprise. Reese turned and looked at me suspiciously, causing the temperature to dramatically drop.
“What’s wrong with you now? I like how you just invited yourself into my house, and don’t start your foolishness” I said to him sternly, turning my back to walk into the living room.
“What are you on about now woman? I am just looking at you, you look different, you look like your blossoming…there seems to be radiance about you today”
I kissed my teeth “Please Reese! What do you want? Those tricks certainly do not work with me anymore”
He smiled, following close behind me, loving the fact that he had been sussed “I came early because I just wanted to have a word with you”
“About what?”
“Well, we have to try and be civilised for Asia’s sake and…it’s not good for her not to see us interacting together positively” Reese said in his dictator tone
“What is your point? I am always civilised towards you despite the way which you treated me by lying and deceiving me, forgetting to mention that you had a FIANCEE” I bickered at him
“Leah, Leah, I know I hurt you and I am truly sorry for what I did, it’s just that I grew to love you so much that I couldn’t bear to lose you. You became a huge part of my life and you was like….”
“Stop bullshitting me Reese, it doesn’t make one bit of difference now. All that matters is that we are both happy and Asia is not neglected because of your stupidity!”
“Leah Leah I know but…”
He always used to call me Leah Leah when we were together, the way he said it used to make me feel all warm inside and he knew it, that’s why he was calling me it now, trying to make me succumb to whatever point he was trying to put across. “Look I don’t know what it is that you are hoping to achieve here…” I tried to finish my words but he cut in before I could.
“Leyah, listen. I just want to say that I think we should act more like a family for Asia’s sake! I mean try and give her some memories of the three of us together, just in case something happens in the future, at least she will have pictures and memories of us all together.” He blurted out as he invited himself to take a seat on my leather sofas.
“Well I am sure you have ruined any chances of us being a FAMILY, and it will all just be lies because you have made it this way” I scorned at him, the heat beginning to rise within me as the anger took hold of me once again.
“Come on Leah Leah, we have to try for our daughters sake, I mean lets just try and do things together for her.”
I could not believe what this fool was coming out with, how dare he try and act like the mature parent here. He was the reason why our daughter has to live in a single parent home and spend weekends at her fathers. Why should I be made to look like I was the one that was stopping things from progressing, from her being happy! Damn he irritates me!
“Look, I hear what you are saying, and I agree that we need to do something together for Asia, but I am not going to lie to YOUR WOMAN sorry FIANCEE about anything” I shouted. He ignored my anger and continued with his point.
“I’m not asking you to. Asia is my daughter and you are her mother she understands that, and she also understands that I would do anything for my baby girl. So that is not a problem. Look I have tickets to go to the aquarium Sunday, it would be nice if you could come”
Reese put me on the spot, and I could see the persistence in his eyes. I lowed my head confused. He knew he had backed me into a corner and I could not retreat without saying yes.
I brushed off my dress. “Wow, you had it all planned out then, didn’t you?”
“Not exactly, I was going to take her with Mum, but her arthritis is playing up again. So I thought it would be a good opportunity for us to make a go… you know… and do something together”
As I was about to give him another piece of my mind, with my arms folded and ready for the attack Asia came running into the front room right into her father’s loving arms.
“Princess Mummy is coming with us to the aquarium” Reese slyly said, avoiding any eye contact with me. Knowing that Asia would be excited at the prospect of me coming with them.
“Yeah, mummy, mummy, see the fishies?” She said jumping up and down on her dads lap excited.
“Yes darling, mummy is going to come and see the fishes with you” I said sarcastically “Now go and get your shoes and coat on”
“Okay” She said as she jumped off her dads lap and ran upstairs to get her coat.
Clap, Clap! “You are so conniving, you really haven’t changed! You knew that I couldn’t say no in front of my baby” I snapped at him.
“I know! Well I didn’t plan to tell her like that; just she came in at the right moment. Don’t worry about it, it will be fun. I won’t try and feed you to the sharks if that’s what you’re worried about” He humoured “I just want Asia to have fun memories with us”
Somehow what he said seemed genuine, although I knew he must have an ultimate plan under that scheming head of his, I will just go along for Asia’s sake. And as he said it might even be fun.
“Look, I’m coming but don’t be sneaking around, tell Shantel exactly who you are going with!”
“Listen I will! I am done with all the lying and hiding. She will know and I will be the one to tell her. Okay?”
I nodded my head in agreement
“Well then I will come and pick you up on Sunday for eleven o’clock, is that okay?”
“Yeah, I will make sure I am ready. And don’t think that this is for your benefit, I still dislike you and you are still the number one bastard in my life, this is not about us!” I had to ensure that Reese full and well knew that I was only doing it for Asia and not holding on to the small hope that it would bring us back together. I knew that he always had it in the back of his mind that one day I would beg him back, but I have gained some inner strength over the past couple years, especially seeing him and Shantel still together after everything he done. It has also made me a lot stronger and icier towards men, I am no longer a doormat for them, which is a huge change.
Asia came running down the stairs with her favourite coat that her dad bought her and her pink kickers, ready to leave. Reese didn’t need to take any clothes for Asia; she had her own room at his house with everything she needed, it was like her second home. He had managed to buy a huge four-bedroom house in Shirley, courtesy of his success in property development. He had managed to buy the type of house he had always wanted and had impressively made numerous investments to maintain his empire.
“Well Leyah I will see you on Sunday. Asia give your mummy a big hug and kiss from the both of us” He said while he let out a cheeky devious smile. I kissed my teeth at him, showing my disapproval.
I waved them good-bye as he drove off in his brand new black Range Rover Sports Jeep, the engine roaring down my quiet street. As soon as I closed the door, I went straight into the living room and sat down for a while. I needed to fully digest the arrangements that I had just made with Reese. I mean this man had caused so many problems within my life and now I have to try and play happy families with him, and it was not even my idea! Wait until I tell the girls about this, I’m not even sure if I should go. What if he fails to tell Shantel and I go through another experience like the last time when he came to the parents evening without letting her know. Now that was drama, she phoned me up cussing and swearing down the phone, accusing me of using Asia as a way to get back with him and at one point she even accused me of having an affair with him. As if I would do that again!

Chapter Two- Keshia

2009-09-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

How do I get myself in these situations? Is it my fault or is it Bobby’s? Nah, it’s defiantly not mine, if he would only pay attention to what he is supposed to then we wouldn’t be in this situation now.
“So Keshia, when are you going to give me the pleasure of you company again, so I can take you out for dinner?”
“Look Clayton, I’m really busy this week, but I can try come over quickly tomorrow evening” I replied, starring at my sealing, casually holding the phone to my ear, whilst watching my pre-recorded dose of America’s Top Model.
“You’re always passing through! You never actually spend ‘TIME’ with me. I want to hold you, I want to feel your warm lips against mine again, I can’t remember what you feel like, it’s been so long baby!”
“Babes, I’m trying but I’ve just been too busy, it’s not easy being me! Look I have to prioritise my time, and besides it wasn’t that long ago! I’m sure you can remember.”
“That’s what you think! I need to sample the goods again” He blurted sounding frustrated.
“Clayton, just wait a little longer!” I rolled my eyes. Truth was I didn’t really want to give him anymore! Yeah we had two passionate nights together, but that was all it was. I was in need for some attention and special feelings those nights, and yes Clayton was at the right place at the right time. It was nice, but not worth doing it again, I mean I had to juggle him around with Bobby, who was trying extra hard lately to make things right again. Especially after that bitch Naomi had tried to seduce him into her bed. I never really knew what actually did happen, but it made me seek elsewhere for what I was missing and Clayton was only happy to oblige. But now I didn’t know how to let him go, it would break his heart. It’s my own fault I was too affectionate with him, I couldn’t help it, it was nothing personal just how I do things. Now he wanted to take me out more and I always had to find a new excuse. I mean he never knew about Bobby, because he never asked, and then we never spoke about forming a relationship either. So it’s his fault that he let his feelings get caught up in our fling.
Now Bobby was sweet, sexy and a charmer. We had been dating for two years on and off, and we had been through our fair share of madness, the girls trying to split us up, the malicious rumours, and the family members, which wanted to keep us apart. But we got through it, sort of! Now here we were trying to make things work again!
He was moving back into my flat this week, and we promised to try and make things work this time. He promised to be more dedicated to the relationship and commit everything he had to make it work. Yes I believed him, why not. I loved him and he loved me, and love conquers all doesn’t it?

“Hey baby, I’m going to bring the rest of my stuff on Thursday, so we can go out Friday night. I won’t be down until late tonight though, coz I’m going out with the boys. Before you start it’s Miles’ birthday, so were just going out for a drink”
“But babes, we haven’t spent any time together at all this week, and you promised you would”
“Yeah, I will be down later tonight” Bobby stated, trying to convince me.
I took a deep breath. “When I’m sleeping!” I moaned pulling the blanket over my bare legs after feeling the slight draft which christened my room.
“Baby, don’t be like that! I won’t go if you don’t want me to”
“Nah, you go babes, I don’t want them to think I’m not letting you out like last time! You know how they talk rubbish. Go and enjoy yourself”
Now I knew that his ‘boys’ encouraged him to chat up other women, especially his best mate Danny, because he could definitely not attract them on his own! Now Danny he was such an arse. He hated on my relationship with Bobby from day one, and that was only because he could not get me himself.
When I met Bobby at a garden party in Hammersmith five years ago, he was with that fool Danny. He had tried to proposition me with his best useless lyrics, but I politely turned him down, much to his disapproval. As soon as I was able to slip away from him, my eye caught a hold of this sexy 5’9, brown skin, firm bodied honey across the smoke filled room. He had the body of a model, actually no a chocolate Adonis. I will never forget that moment; he was wearing dark blue denim jeans and a white shirt with his crucifix chain hanging down his muscular chest. I’m telling you I was on him like a bee to honey. That night I was looking sexy dressed in my black ¾ length skirt which hugged my wide but sexy hips, a black and red corset top which flattered my small breast and made them look a size bigger. My hair flowing straight above my shoulders with copper highlights complementing my complexion. Amazingly I was the one who went over to him and introduced myself. I just needed to say something and somehow the courage leapt out of me like a trapped tiger, as my feet carried me over to him with uncertainty.
I was thankful that he didn’t reject me, he was actually happy that I had come over, as he whispered in my ear through the loud music that he had been watching me all night. I was flattered. We conversed outside in the early hours of the humid morning for about an hour while everyone else was dancing away to the classic sounds. I found him so mentally stimulating, it turned out that he was an actor and had been in many huge plays across England. In turn I informed him of my recent funding events for underprivileged youths. A few minutes into the conversation and had realised that we had so many things in common. From that day on we developed a relationship, which was plagued with hurt and insecurities from past relationships. Being together was a challenge for both of us, one which we were willing to face, but knew that would be hard.

Bobby was a good man deep down, but he was overpowered by the pain Hazel had done to him earlier. Now she was a right bitch, she had tried to trap him with a pregnancy but then later confessed that she had slept with one of his friends. That news had broken him down, however it didn’t stop her. She had tried to convince him that it was his, but he didn’t believe her. He knew that she wasn’t sure who the father was, but wanted it to be his because the other guy wasn’t interested in being a father. Her pleas were worthless, and she ended up having a termination. After that experience he couldn’t find it within himself to trust a woman again. He always claimed that it burned so much because he never cheated on her, and then it made it worst, that she had been with someone he knew. So honestly I didn’t really blame him for his feelings and reluctance to commit to our relationship. Janet said that I was mad to put up with some of the things he did, but I just understood his situation and knew that he needed support and assurance to trust me, and then we could move our relationship to the next level. My past was also haunting me but hey you have to try and move on and get over it.

Moving in together was a big step, although he had practically lived with me when we were together eight months ago it was not official, and it caused more problems than good. But that was only because Bobby was not ready to fully commit at the time, still wanting to walk the streets like he was a bachelor. He couldn’t cope with me asking him, what time he would be home, what he wanted for dinner, telling him that It was his turn to wash up, reminding him to tidy up after himself and constantly telling him to put the toilet seat down. Looking back at it now, what was actually going to be different this time? He would still have his bad habits! Only I would have to put up with it, welcome it, get used to the fact that this was how it was going to be!
Before he decided to move in with me, Bobby was flat sharing in Walthamstow with two other guys in this dingy small detached house. He was not used to his own space, but was accustom to an environment full of testosterone, blossoming in the unwelcoming smell of dirty dishes in the sink, and neglected months of cleaning. I tell you something for sure; I am not going to miss that two hour drive down there, no more suffering nights in the prescience of a male occupancy.

I looked around my surroundings, examining my comfortable space. My flat was only a one bedroom, but it was big enough for the both of us. I’d been living here for three years now, and I had made it into my own. Having to share it was a bit daunting for me. I was organised and Bobby had a lot of stuff despite him basically living in one room at his place, he had accumulated enough stuff as someone who had a three bedroom house! He had already moved in half of his belongings during the past week, which I had been weaving through in order not to break my neck. There were musty smelling books stacked in boxes in the corridor, his keyboard and other musical instruments lying all around the flat and even pictures of him and famous actors, which he was adamant he was going to hang up around the flat on my flawless walls, somehow I did not think so!, I thought walking around in my pink slippers. I laughed remembering that it had led to numerous discussions about where he was going to put a lot of his ‘junk’!

Frustrated with seeing the scattered cardboard boxes around the flat, I decided to hang up his clothes and neatly stack his shoes and trainers; which were all still in their boxes, nicely in the built-in wardrobe, where tons of my own shoes were stacked. I was all hot and sticky when I had finished. Living with Bobby was going to be a big step, but it would be nice to come home knowing that my boyfriend would be there or would be coming home soon. Having to cook everyday, instead of rushing for a quick bite to eat before sitting bored in front of the television, constantly flicking channels trying to find something interesting to watch. Only problem was, now I would have to ensure that I constantly looked presentable, not looking all frumpy and unkempt, which I normally transformed into come evening. It meant that I wouldn’t be able to come home, take out my contact lenses and resort to wearing my half crooked pair of D&G glasses and relax in my over-worn house t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms. No, no, I can’t do any of that just yet, how he met me is how I’ve got to stay! Me letting my self-go now that we have moved in together is a recipe for disaster. It could easily turn him off, and send him into the arms of another woman, and I know there would always be a dozen who are willing to take him up. Its not that he hasn’t ever seen me first thing in the morning, with my headscarf around my head, and no make-up or something like that. But I just didn’t want anything to go wrong again. I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted him to remain attracted to me, keep the relationship alive. Not that we had a boring sex life, our sex life was very exciting when he was actually here! But I didn’t want the flame to burn out!
In a way it felt like an invasion of my space, but on the other hand it was like I embraced the warm feeling it gave me. I was sharing my world, with someone I loved. I was replacing my lonely days, with joy and excitement. I was building my life with another, changing for the better. Making my home, ‘our’ home

Chapter One- Janet

2009-09-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

It happened again! Oh my gosh what was wrong with me? How does some one have that power over you, without even being close to you! Especially when you haven’t seen them in the past three years! He looked so delicious walking towards the entrance of Selfridges department store, dressed in a black pinstripe suit with a pink shirt, complimented with a black tie, and black Paul Smith loafers. His leather man bag by his side. Strutting his sexy body delicately to the rhythm of the summer wind. My heart pounded in my chest at the sight of him and the brief moment we had shared five years ago came flooding back to me….

We had known each other for two years whilst at college, and had formed this close friendship from the start, which made us the best of friends. Every moment after lectures we were together; in the social room, watching our college team play basketball or just chilling in the greesy cafeteria. Our daily routine always started with each other, waiting for the same morning train and consistently being at each others houses. His house practically became my second home, his mother, my mother! Then suddenly it all came to halt after our stretch at college ended. Marcus made the decision to attend Brunel University to study Law and I had gone to Coventry. It was devastating at first, because he was like my right arm, we would talk on the phone every night, talking about every and anything. But being at university we had to get used to the distance and the substitution of talking on the phone, instead of the freedom of popping round one another’s house when needed.
Uni life changed us, and eventually the calls withered away. It soon became a bonus to speak to him once every few months. I didn’t hold it against him, because I knew the pressures we were both under and the expectations we had to fulfil. But then that night finally came when we could not contain our feelings anymore. The passion took over and our lust got the better of us!

We had met up at a charity dinner for the Black and Aware foundation, which was a huge business event for Ethnic minority business owners and inspiring entrepreneurs. The annual event was held in the Britannia Hotel, near Manchester City Centre, it was a beautiful hotel, definitely fit for purpose.
I was sitting with some friends, which I had known from work and previous networking events, discussing recent political events, drinking champagne, and adoring the music which the DJ was playing. We sat and watched the couples and groups of people in the middle of the dance floor, admiring them move their bodies in time with the music. There was this one couple, who must have been in their late fifties, really having a go on the floor, showing the younger couples how to move to the jazz music precisely. The atmosphere was so calming; it was nice to see so many successful and inspiring black people and happy couples of all ages, socialising together, enjoying the music and splendour of the venue.
My eyes were lit with delight as I looked across the room, eagerly scanning the rest of the guest, admiring the way which they were all dressed up in ballroom gowns and the men looking all refined in their tuxedos exploiting different colours, and varieties of accessories. My heart sank, as a realised I was subconsciously looking for one body in particular. No longer being discrete I turned my body to the left, trying to look in-between the masses of silhouettes dancing on the dance floor. Then suddenly through the array of colours from the gowns in the large banqueting hall I felt a pair of eyes looking in my direction.
He had noticed me first, and was watching me attentively. As our eyes locked he smiled and proceeded to rise up from the table he was sitting at with four other people. He walked across the hall cruising over towards me slowly, trying not to look eager, but his expressions told me otherwise. I knew he was happy to see me. I could tell by the way his mouth was formed, desperately trying to contain his excitement. We had not seen each other for ages. I admired him walking towards me wearing a perfectly fitted black tuxedo with a silk gold cummerbund, as his round cufflinks reflected at me with every strode he took.
I took a deep breath as he finally reached my table, frantically rubbing my sweaty palms on the tablecloth I rose to meet him as he leaned forward and gave me a big tight embrace, the kind of hug where your body melts and you don’t want to let go, you lose all perception of your surroundings and fall into a fairytale! At that moment I realised that I missed him so much. Slowly he released me from his incredibly tight grip, smiling we sat down and caught up on the latest developments in each others lives, taking it in turns to lead the conversation, disclosing enough information about our recent experiences for us to enquire more at a later stage.
After talking for about an hour, with numerous interruptions Marcus suggested that it was time we got up and enjoyed the music, instead of warming the seats. It was ceratinly true; I had not paid an arm and a leg for my immaculate hair and two hundred and fifty pounds to sit down in my silver low-cut ball gown. Standing up, pleased at his suggestion I took Marcus up on his offer, and I am glad that I did.
We danced so close that we merged like two butterflies dancing in the summer breeze; our bodies pulsating with sweat. No matter what song played, we danced. We danced until our feet hurt, it was like we were afraid to let each other out of our grip, as though we would fall into an abyss and never feel each other again.
The best thing about the night was that we both had reservations at the hotel, meaning that we could dance until the end.
The older crowd had begun to disperse, some resigning to their seats, and a few had retired to their rooms. It was mainly the young couples remaining on the dance floor, enjoying the moments, surrounded by the warm glow of the dimmed lights, and astounding white décor, which made you feel like a princess. It was perfect.
I closed my eyes and fully inhaled the way which Marcus’s body moved, it was so sensual, I could feel his every muscle against the most sensitive parts of my slim structure. He was so seductive without even knowing it. Damn, we were two young professionals here for a business event, and here I was feeling like we were the only two people in the room. I pondered on the thought of him feeling the same way I was. But why would he? We had been best friends back in college and we hadn’t seen each other in three years, why would he feel the way my body was reacting to him now? Maybe it’s the several glasses of champagne talking, or maybe it is my inner-self coming out! Whatever it was it was driving me crazy!
“You feel so soft” Marcus whispered into my ear while he ran his soft hands against my back.
“I can’t believe the turn out, it is nice to be here” What was I mumbling! I wanted to tell him that he was making my body hot all over and was causing fluctuations between my legs.
“Yeah. It is a nice venue, and they actually hired a decent DJ. Janet are you ok? Beacuse you seem a bit distracted?”
“I’m fine Marcus, honestly. I just haven’t drank like this for ages or even danced like this for a long, long time”
“Yeah, not since that time you had a date with that producer guy!” He slyly laughed
Yeah he knew everything about my past relationships or brief encounters, he was practically my diary throughout college. In a way it was a good thing. There was nothing to hide; we already knew everything we had both done. We knew each other inside out. I pushed him playfully away “Trust you to remember that Marcus!”
“Oh I don’t forget anything babe… You know, you look really beautiful tonight”
“Thanks, so do you. I must admit you scrubbed up well!” I joked. Finally he had noticed. I had especially searched for this gown for weeks, making sure that it hugged in all the right places, strictly because I knew Marcus would be here alone. We had spoke about coming here last month during one of our irregular brief conversations, and he had informed me that he normally would bring one of his ‘admirers’ but he wanted to catch up and spend time with me, rather than accommodate some woman tonight, who was trying to win over his affection with the hope of securing the key to exclusivity.
After the song At your best by Aaliyah had stopped playing, the DJ changed the genre and put on some revival.
“Hey, you ready to leave; you look like you are going to fall over”
“Yeah, I take it your tired as well! It’s almost three o’clock and my feet are starting to burn me”
“Exactly, let’s just slip away” He whispered holding me by the waist like a delicate flower. That was fine with me.

We slipped out the banquet hall and past a young dark skinned man in a grey tuxedo, talking to one of the daughters of the organisers. Holding on to the intention of trying to get a telephone number or the number of her hotel room she was staying in. Marcus and I laughed as we walked up the stairwell towards the elevator, remembering the days when that would have been him. The doors to the lift opened and we staggered inside, pressing the button for the third floor. Wall to floor mirrors surrounded the inside of the elevator, and I caught the gaze of my reflection. Damn, my eyes looked tired, but more importantly I never noticed how perfect Marcus was even from behind. The length of his back was astonishing; it complemented his long neck and wide manly shoulders. The tux, was definitely a good look on him! I exhaled.
The elevator doors opened as we reached the third floor, stepping out I lead the way. We had to walk through the long corridor, passing numerous pieces of antique oak furniture and various original art pictures by artists which I had never heard of. I stopped at my door, room 345. Oh my gosh I really needed to take off these heels. I could hardly stand up.
“Jay, where’s your key?”
I reached into my purse and took out the key card. Fumbling with the security door for the green light to come on, I was becoming impatient. Eventually after three attempts it finally opened. A relieved Marcus held it open, while I entered.
My hotel room was small but had a warm cozy atmosphere. There was a double bed in the middle of the room, the side table with the TV above, and all the commodities surrounding. The un-suite bathroom was to the front of the room near the door. Luckily I had left some scented candles burning in the room as it helps me to relax, and I must admit it also helped to set the mood…
“Right, let me make you some coffee, you don’t want to have a pulsating headache in the morning, you know what your like”
Oh, I loved the way he took charge. My mind suddenly pondered of what he was like in-between the sheets. I could just imagine, by the way he moved his mocha chocolate extra toned body, I would expect him to have mad skills, especially as all the women he had been with did not want to let him go so easily.
Marcus stood across the bed, beside the dresser where the small kettle and complimentary refreshments were situated, waiting for the kettle to boil.
As soon as it did, he poured the water into the two mugs and turned to sit down beside me. He grinned as he handed me my coffee, and sat sipping his drink.
I was feeling so horny right now; Marcus’s body had done things to me during that dance that I haven’t felt for over a year. The way he had held me told me that I was having the same effect on him. But hey, where friends and that’s how it would remain.
“Jay, you know something?” He looked delicious as he sat and turned towards me to talk, focus!
“What’s up?”
“I’m glad that…. you had a nice time tonight. I haven’t seen you for so long, and you still look the same. You know, all that work you been doing lately. You haven’t had time to relax and enjoy yourself”
“I know, it’s been hectic recently...” Before I could finish my sentence he cut in
“You look really beautiful tonight. I enjoyed dancing with you. We haven’t really danced together like ‘that’ before. I mean it was nice”
“Marcus, you dance like that ‘all’ the time with your girlfriends”
“Hey, don’t hate! But nah, it was never like ‘that’…your body…” He took his cue and lent closer, touching my chin, then he slowly pressed his smooth lips against mine. Ohhh, he felt so good. I had to respond the only way I knew how to, the way my body wanted me to, I was melting with pure desire. I grabbed him closer as our tongues danced together. I could feel his warm soft hands gliding up my back. The sensation made me grip the back of his neck forcing him even closer. He guided me gently down onto my back as I gazed into his soul watching the passion racing in his dreamy light brown eyes. Right then I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him!
He took his hands and slowly slid my dress up, kissing and stroking my thighs until he reached the middle. He entered so carefully with his tongue, exploring places, which I had forgot existed. My body tingled as he caressed my erogenous zones, my body responding like it had never been touched before! I was wet all over. I could not fight the feeling any longer and my body gave in.
After my body exploded, he continued to kiss his way further up and he then completely removed my dress. I wanted him now; I wanted to feel him inside of me, deep inside of me. Marcus continued with what he had started, tasting and kissing me all over my body, slowly but passionately. I held his back so tight; I could feel his blood racing.
“Take me” I whispered into his ear.
Marcus reached inside his trouser pocket and took out a condom from his wallet, and slowly took off the rest of his clothes, seducing me with his every movement. My breath sped up anticipating his silhouette, waiting for him to be ready for me. Once he had it on, I could see the full size of his manhood! Wow, what an impressive package it was. He climbed on top of me slowly, damn I was going to explode again, and he hasn’t even put it inside of me yet. I can’t believe I am feeling like this. Finally he entered deep inside my love nest, our bodies intertwined like two locks of hair. Damn he felt so good. “ooooohh”, he slides deeper and deeper. Sweat was dripping down our bodies but neither one of us was ready to climax, we were both trying to hold back the intense feeling of releasing the passion which we had been holding inside for a lifetime, It feels too good to stop. I move in and kiss his small but erected nipples, as he moans out with pleasure. His hands caressed my body as if I was a smooth lace of the finest silk. We continued to make love between the sheets, it was so perfect, it felt so right, in the heat of the moment we sweated, changed positions, holding each other firmly. “Oohh Marcus” I whispered.
“Ahhhhh Janet, you feel so right”
We exchanged kisses on each others neck; he held my firm breast, whilst I got lost in ecstasy. I grabbed his defined buttocks and commanded him to thrust deeper, “right there marrrrc” I couldn’t get the rest of the word out. It was a feeling I had yearned for, and craved for what seemed an eternity. The passion continued until I was no longer in control of my sexual emotions. I began to tremble, I moaned out loudly and held him tighter, sinking my nails into his back. I knew he could feel my emotions releasing. The feeling of complete and total euphoria was overpowering. I don’t know how, but Marcus sensed what my body was going through. At the same time I felt him shudder, “oooohhh” he growled, grasping my hands, squeezing tightly, we climaxed together.
We lay on the ruffled bedding in silence for the next twenty minutes waiting to catch our breath, and come back to our senses. He continued to be affectionate by softly playing with my hair, and stroking my arms until reality struck me…I suddenly rose up untangling our locked bodies.
“Don’t say a word!”
“But Jay…”
“Look, I’m sorry, the drink got the better of me. I didn’t mean to…”
“Jay, I enjoyed every moment of it. Don’t apologise”
“But Marcus, we shouldn’t of.”
“But we did! You wanted it and I know I sure wanted it… what are you saying?”
“I'm saying… we shouldn’t have done this” He looked on at me, confused.
“Do you want me to go?”
I sighed “Yeah, I think I think it’s best”
What was wrong with me! Marcus eased his body out of the bed and searched for his clothes, which were lying all over the room. Once he found them he quickly put them on, composed himself, and walked towards the door. He paused for a brief moment, like he was trying to find something appropriate to say, but he decided against it and continued to open the door before walking out closing it behind him. Without looking back, he was gone.
Why did I let him walk out of the door? Truth was I enjoyed it all too, I longed to hold him that close and feel him inside of me like that for years, and now the moment had finally arrived and I practically kicked him out. Why did I do that?
I was scared, I didn’t want to spoil the friendship we had recently rekindled, and I could not handle the aftermath, or the possibility that we will never be the same again.

Now here he was walking across Oxford Street. We hadn’t spoke a word of the night afterwards and our friendship grew further and further apart. Marcus got a promotion and moved to Luton to work at another branch with his law firm Braxton and Co, and we never had enough time to call due to my busy schedule as well as his. I was confused, I had no idea that he was back in London. The sight of him made my heart flutter like a schoolgirl. I wanted to go over to him and say hello. The last time he phoned it was a quick hello to make sure I was okay and that was it.
Now there he was in the flesh, and looking as good as I could remember, or maybe even better. He had a fresh haircut, with his goatee beard and moustache perfectly joined together. His Mocha chocolate skin shining like the glow of a radiant fire. My gosh! What am I doing looking at his every perfection!
If only I could pluck up the courage to go over and say ‘Hi’. I’m sure he wouldn’t ignore me. But my feet would not move, I had frozen at the sight of him. He had that power over me, he was my kryptonite and he had made me as weak as I could ever be. No one else has ever had that effect on me to this day.
He was now out of vision as he entered the huge doors to Selfridges, and became lost within the crowd. I can now breathe again…
I dived into my purse franticly looking for my phone, dismissing the fact that I was blocking other peoples walk way, as they angrily brushed past me. I just have to phone Leyah and tell her Marcus was back in London.